Kijana mmoja aliyejulikana kwa jina moja la stewart ambae alikuwa mwanafunzi katika chuo cha Tumaini Kinondoni, alizua sokomoko kubwa baada ya kuona ameletewa chakula tofauti na kile alichoagiza. Hali ilikuwa hivi, stewart akiwa amekaa hotelini alimuona mteja mwingine akiagiza wali nyama, na akaletewa sahani iliyojaa wali na nyama kidogo pembeni. Kwa mawazo ya haraka haraka kijana stewart akaamua kubadilisha oda yake. hali ilikuwa hivi
Stewart akaagiza, mama niletee nyama wali, mama muuza akamletea sahani iliyojaa wali na nyama kidogo kama ilivyokuwa kwa mteja aliyeagiza mwanzo. Hapo ndipo kijana stewart alipomjia juu mama muuzaji, haiwezekani uniletee chakula sawa na huyu, huyu alisema anataka wali nyama ukamletea sahani iliyojaa wali na nyama klidogo, mimi nimeagiza myama wali ulitakiwa uniletee sahani iliyojaa nyama na wali kidogo, toka hapa na chakula chako, akamsukuma mama wa watu na kuangukia meza iliyokuwa jirani.
Onyo kwa wauza chakula, sikilizeni vizuri oda za wateja wenu.
WATCH THIS
1. Signs of a Cheating Wife
If you believe that your wife is having an affair, start by
looking at the information provided compared with your particular situation.
Personal Appearance - Typically, a wife having an affair will
begin to pay close attention to her personal appearance. For instance, she may
begin working out and dieting to lose weight, she might start going to the
tanning salon, perhaps she is having her nails and hair done more often or
differently, or she may take great interest in clothing.
Daily Behavior - Behavior is another way in which you might
confirm a cheating wife. As an example, you may notice your wife getting up and
leaving for work earlier, taking an extended lunch, wanting to spend more time
with the "girlfriends", and so on. Again, while not confirmation of
an affair, this is one of the signs.
Finances - If you notice your wife spending money on frivolous
things, dining out more, or making credit card purchases for small gift items,
you might ask why.
Phone Call Tip-Offs - A cheating wife may spend more time on the
phone, want more privacy while on the phone, or have an increase in wrong
numbers when she answers.
Car Clues - If you find the wife is now keeping the car clean,
removing infant seats, perhaps you find cigarette ashes or butts in the
ashtray, or even the miles do not coordinate with typically daily travel, it
could be a sign of foul play.
Sex - A common change with women who are cheating is that are no
longer interested in sex with the husband. When intimacy does occur, she may be
more experimental or seem completely distracted.
Eating Habits - Often, a cheating wife will work hard to get
into shape and lose weight, thus making her more appealing to men. Therefore,
if you notice she is seriously dieting or spending significant time in the gym,
specifically if this were something she normally did not do, you could be
suspicious.
Home Invasion - Although not all cheating spouses bring the
person in the affair into the home, some do. For careful attention if you begin
to notice personal items that are not yours, different fragrances and smells,
leftover plates or glasses for two, and so on.
Computer - An excellent way for a cheating wife to keep in touch
with her lover is via computer. If you do not know how to access her email, you
can check the history to determine the different websites visited. Simply
paying attention to her time on the computer but without her knowing is a great
way to see if she is in fact communicating with another man, or perhaps woman.
Cell Phones - Again, women will often communicate via cell phone
rather than home phone, believing the calls are safe. However, start by
determining if time spent on the cell phone is more than usual. Then, call the
cell phone company to request a printout of incoming and outgoing numbers
associated with her phone. From there, you can check to see if any of those
calls are made at odd hours or are frequently called.
It is very important to show your partner that you are trust-worthy....and here are some quick tips.
1. Follow through with what you say. If you tell your partner that you will be home by 8:00, come home no later than
2. Don't be unrealistic. Avoid saying that you will "Always" have your cell phone on or you will "Never" turn your phone off. This is unrealistic. Sometimes your phone will die or you might forget it or you might not hear it ring. Instead, tell your partner that you will try your best to answer the phone. And then....follow through with what you say (tip #1).
3. Let your Partner in. If you have a wall up, it hides things and creates a suspicious feeling from your partner. Avoid the suspicious behavior and be an open book. The more open you are, the more trust you can build.
4. Keep your eyes on your goal. Body language speaks louder than words....and so does your eye focus. If you are talking to your partner and a beautiful woman walks by, keep your eyes on your partner. If your goal is to build trust, then your actions have to show it. If you want your partner to be self-conscious, then keep looking at other women. It is your choice.
5. Make time for Communication. Communication can create a safe and comfortable feeling in your relationship. The more communication and feelings of safety, the more the trust can build.
If you have a history of trust being broken in your relationship, it might take more than these behaviors. You might also have to resolve the past issues to prevent it from interfering with your current work on building the trust. Possibly working with a professional therapist can help.
So why do women cheat? What leads them to think that way? Well
if you are a victim of cheating or maybe are doubtful that your spouse or
girlfriend might be cheating on you than these questions would frequently annoy
you all the time. There are several reasons due to which women cheat but not
all women cheat due to the same reasons. Sometimes there are certain reasons
beyond ones control and are often caused by the circumstances. Read on to find
out what these reasons are and why women cheat.
Emotional needs- Women are highly emotional and sometimes men
are not able to satisfy these emotional needs due to which women end up
cheating on their partners. A relationship involves a lot of different aspects
and a woman's emotions are one of the aspects which needs to be satisfied
completely in order to have a successful relationship.
Constant fights- Another reason why women cheat is simply due to
the fact that the relationship is not peaceful therefore she wanders out
looking for someone else. Peace is very important in life and similarly it's
equally important in a relationship. Some couples often tend to have quarrels
and fights which lead no where but frustration among both partners. This mere
frustration gets a woman highly emotional and they tend to seek revenge on
their spouse and cheating is one of the best ways they use.
Physical needs- This is one of the major reason why women cheat.
Physical aspect forms a very strong foundation of any relationship and
physically weak men or the one's who are not able to satisfy their woman fully
in bed are often victims of cheating from women. Some women feel that rather
than compromising and letting things run this way they should rather do
something about it and often end up cheating on their partners.
4. Most Shocking Secrets Women
don't want men to know
Ever
tried to wonder what's in a woman’s mind? What is she thinking about? Do you
know that women do not always mean what they say. They might say something and
mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Read on to discover
some of the most shocking secrets women don't want men to know.
Blonds
aren’t always dumb- If you
thought all of them were dumb than you are strongly mistaken. Hair colour does
not affect a person's IQ. They only act dumb to seem cute or get you to spend
money on them and if you do that than you are dumb not them.
Women
get jealous as hell- They might
deny it but the fact is they get extremely jealous even if their man talks to a
random female or maybe a friend. She might pretend to act all nice but inside
her jealousy volcano is about to erupt.
I
am the sexiest of them all-
Every woman has this mind frame no matter how much they try to deny it. Almost
every woman wants to feel like the one and only beauty queen in the world as if
nothing compares and demand royal treatment from all men.
Am
I fat- I know you’ve heard this
one time and again but let's all admit to it officially! No matter how skinny
she is she would never consider herself thin. Almost every woman occasionally
asks this annoying question- "Am I looking fat in this honey?”
They
always lie about shopping- They
might be out grocery shopping but always end up getting something for
themselves which they thought was cute. They either try to hide it or lie about
its price saying it was on sale.
Don't
share secrets with them- If you
have than you are already on prime time radio. Almost every woman shares each
and every secret with her friends. They tend to share their secrets over a cup
of coffee and have a good laugh over it. And yeh when I say secrets it means
your private secrets as well ( he he) if you know what I mean.
The last thing a husband wants to do is accuse his wife of
having an affair when in fact she is not. Therefore, if you suspect your wife
is cheating, take great care to do things the right way so you do not end up
with a damaged marriage. One of the most common signs of a woman having an
affair is her spending more time at work, long lunch hours, extra meetings and so
on.
You see - the majority of affairs begin at work. The affair
could be with an employee, boss, consultant, or client. Therefore, you first
want to take note of any special attention pertaining to the workplace. For
instance, if you notice your wife is spending more time taking care of herself
to look nice at work, leaving earlier than usual, going out every day for
lunch, staying late, taking business trips, and so on, then you may have a
reason to be suspicious.
Once you begin to notice signs of change, you would begin to
take note and look for proof. For instance, if you see that your wife's
behavior is different from usual, you are probably asking yourself why. If she
becomes more interested in spending hours at the computer conversing with
"friends" or "playing games" rather than going to bed, the
behavior would be different, therefore, suspicious.
Another sign that your wife may be having an affair is that she
suddenly takes up a new sport, activity, or some kind of interest. While this
could a good thing and have nothing to do with cheating at all, again you want
to pay attention. Along with the behavioral change would cove her taking better
care of personal hygiene, having manicures and pedicures, choosing a new hair
color and/or style, shopping for trendy or sexy clothes, etc. Then, if you find
that your wife prefers taking calls on her cell phone or perhaps talks in a
quiet voice when the home phone rings, question it. Keep in mind that if your
wife was cheating and you approach her, the chances are she will deny
everything. For this reason, you must put it all together. This means looking
at the computer to determine what sites she is visiting, obtaining cell phone
records, and even following her, if necessary.
While the thought of following your wife sounds mean or
invasive, if you believe she is having an affair, then you owe it to yourself
and your family to know the truth. Sometimes, confirming an affair is hard. In
this case, you might need to hire a private investigator to do the work for you.
However, if you have time or interest, you can always be your own private eye.
Finally, you can even purchase miniature, hidden cameras to place around the
house if you believe she is having the man in, buy software that can monitor
her computer activity, and a wide array of other tools to help you know if your
wife is in fact cheating.
6. What Should You Do If You Think Your Wife is cheating On You?
Let's start off by saying that no one wants to believe that
their wife or girlfriend is cheating on them. This person to whom you pledged
your love just couldn't possibly do anything so damaging or harmful to your
relationship Or could they?
We should begin by saying that just because you are concerned
she might be cheating, doesn't mean she is cheating. Having said that, here are
a few major signs she's stepping out on you:
All of a sudden, her appearance has improved. She's wearing
makeup, making sure her hair is done, and maybe even has lost a few pounds.
She's dressing a lot better than she has in years. She's talking about her new
"friends" more often, and may be evasive about the details. She's
getting a lot more cell phone calls, and she's taking those calls more and more
often in private. She's on your back a lot more, for a lot less. Her nagging
has skyrocketed, and she has no patience for your little faults anymore.
Let's say you're seeing a few of these signs, and are starting
to get worried. You decide to do a reverse phone search and trace the cell
phone numbers you don't recognize. You may even be spying on her computer
usage, or following her around. Armed with this information and your gut feel,
you come to the conclusion that she is probably cheating on you.
Now what?
The first thing you should do is to decide if you would rather
have it out in the open, or take your chances and continue on with life as you
know it. If you can live with knowing that she might be cheating on you, so be
it. Most people can't.
If you are like the majority and decide that things need to be
changed, then you need to objectively evaluate your situation. Are there
children involved? This is perhaps the most important aspect, as it will be
your children that will be the most hurt should you decide to divorce. If there
are children, then you need to be committed to the idea of trying to make your
marriage work. Try to get your wife to agree to go to counseling, for the sake
of the children. This is critical. If your wife has indeed cheated on you, then
it is very likely that there are serious problems in the marriage that can and
should be addressed.
As harsh as it may sound, you should also be watching your
finances. If your woman is behaving irrationally with another man, you need to
be sure she isn't doing so with your finances. Especially if you think there
may be a slim to none chance of working it out, you might want to consider at
least a telephone call to a divorce attorney to see about protecting your
assets. This is for you and your children's protection.
A lot of soul-searching is involved in trying to save a marriage,
once it has been breached. Only you can decide for yourself if it is worth
saving or not.
| Do
you suspect your wife or girlfriend is cheating on you? Click here to
do a reverse phone search and find out for yourself who he's been talking
to. You can even trace cell phone numbers and find out the names behind the
numbers. You owe it to yourself to find out one way or the other, now. |
Although you want to protect yourself whether you have children
or not, it is especially important to take the appropriate steps to protect
your kids. In other words, if you discover your husband or wife was having an
affair, you want to do everything possible to shield your children. Therefore,
you may find it best to talk to an attorney immediately so your children do not
become entangled in a long custody battle.
Additionally, your hired attorney may advice you not to say
anything to your husband or wife until certain things have been set firmly in
place. The last thing you want is for a huge fight to break out, only to find
your spouse has taken the children and refuses to tell you where. While that
might sound dramatic, for many people, it has become all too real.
Seeking legal council can also help you in maintaining control
over a home, business, property, automobiles, and other personal possessions.
Keep in mind that even in situations involving a cheating husband or wife
requires resolution of personal belongings. Although you may not find it fair
that your husband or wife ends up with the house when he/she was the one in the
affair, it happens.
Working closely with a reputable divorce attorney can set things
in place to protect possessions until the details can be ironed out. Sometimes
what happens is that the spouse that was cheated on is so devastated by
learning of the cheating husband or wife that they simply want to leave,
meaning the last thing on their mind is worrying about a house or car. For this
reason, the attorney can step in to help, providing you with guidance, as well
as legal protection.
Another legal aspect of finding out that your spouse has been
cheating has to do with physical harm. As mentioned in the first article, if
domestic violence has ever been a part of your marriage, you want to be
extremely cautious about confronting your spouse. While it might seem
impossible to keep evidence quiet, you may need to for you and your children's
safety.
Now, once you have discovered the affair, and if it comes out in
the open, never be afraid to call law enforcement for help. This means if you
were to get into an argument about the affair and your spouse should become
violent, call 911. If the discussion turns threatening, leave. Your safety is
never worth sacrificing because you are hurt or angry. Remind yourself that
things can and will be worked out in the courts so if you have to take a few
belongings and the children until things settle down, do.
8. How To Catch Your Wife Cheating - Catch Your Wife Cheating
How would you like to catch your wife cheating on you? Men will
never take the idea of their wife seeing another man lightly. But if it were
true, they would definitely like to catch them red-handed. So, do you really
want to know the ways on how to catch your wife cheating? Well, it can be very
simple.
First, set up a plan. You might need to do some spying, so be
prepared for that. If you're pretty sure that your wife has another lover,
better do some digging and find out exactly who that man is. Is he from her
office? Is he an ex-boyfriend or a long-lost friend? The more you know about
the person, the better are the chances that you'll catch your wife cheating on
you.
Never show any hint to your wife that you are suspecting
something. All the books about how to catch your wife cheating will tell you
that women have better intuition than men. So if you give yourself away,
there's a slim chance that you'll catch her in the act. Keep your plan to
yourself and stick to it. Rushing things won't help you any. And when you get
really sure about your wife's rendezvous with her lover, conveniently pop
around the area as innocently as you can. You don't want your wife turning the
tables around accusing you of stalking her or spying on her. Women believe that
they should be treated right at all times - even if what they are doing isn't
right. So don't give her any reason to blame you instead.
Catching your wife on the act of cheating is going to require a
lot of work. So you've got to act fast. Women don't usually cheat on their
husbands. And if they do, they do it for reasons way different from men. If you
really want to catch your wife cheating, you've got to think like a woman
would. Only then you can predict her next moves and take control of the situation
like the man that you really are.
9. A Sure Fire Sign That Your Spouse is Cheating
When you are married you never want to believe that the person
you adore most in the world is being unfaithful. That's a hard reality pill for
most of us to swallow. It's so difficult in fact, that many people just look
the other way and avoid any sign that their husband or wife is cheating. This
is never a good idea though as that kind of betrayal will almost always lead to
heartbreak at some point.
There are several small tell tale clues that signal that your
partner may be involved with another. When you do happen to notice one or two
it can be easy to look the other way and justify their behavior. It's important
not to do that though and instead weigh all the evidence realistically and then
decide what your next step should be.
One sure fire sign that your spouse is cheating is that they
suddenly and unexpectedly change their appearance. This may include losing a
great deal of weight, changing their hairstyle or buying a new wardrobe. Many
people who are interested or beginning an affair outside the marriage, want to
physically impress their new paramour. They'll work out, eat healthier and take
more care in general with the way they look.
Another indication that an affair might be occurring is if your
spouse won't allow you access to their email or cell phone when in the past
they have. Someone who has nothing to hide won't have any qualms about their
spouse reading their email or using their cell. A sign that your spouse is
cheating is that all his or her text messages are constantly being deleted or
their cell phone is ringing at odd hours. If they leave the room or close a
door to take the call, this is likely a clue that the conversation isn't meant
for your ears.
A very subtle, and often missed, sign that your spouse is
cheating is their behavior around people of the opposite sex. If your husband
or wife has always made a point of checking out an attractive woman or man and
that's suddenly stopped, don't ignore it. Often, when a person is enamored with
a new love, they will only have eyes for them. Watch how your spouse reacts
when a handsome man or beautiful woman is within view. If they completely
ignore them, when they would have been staring a few weeks or months ago, that
is likely a sign that their attention is elsewhere.
In the majority of cases, if you have suspicions that your
partner isn't being faithful, you're right. Any noticeable sign that your
spouse is cheating should be taken into account. If you do have strong
suspicions it may be time to decide how best to spend your time in the future.
10. After Having an Affair - Assessing the Damage and Focusing on Healing
Nearly 20% of all marriages seem to involve affairs and
infidelity as I have read recently. While this is quite a large number, many of
the marriages are able to 'bounce' back. How is this possible? While there are
no quick-fixes, there are many ways. But in order to really make things work,
it will always inevitably require a bit of discipline. For the victim, it is
never an easy thing to get over no matter who you are or what type of
relationship you are in be it a marriage or dating. Infidelity is always a
heartbreaking occurrence. Dealing with it afterwards is always the hardest part
once the person has learned the truth and now wants to know all about it.
One of the major things when attempting to recover from a
cheating spouse is to keep away from the disturbing thoughts of how things were
ion the affair and any details of the sexual activity that may or may not have
taken place. Bringing these sorts of images in your mind only makes things
worse in the long run if you still feel there can be a relationship and healing
in the future. Also, controlling your anger towards the adulterer will also allow
more space for them to heal as well. Many adulterers do feel remorse for what
they have done. And though it may feel just and right to drill them with anger
rooting from your betrayal as the victim, it may be a better idea to keep those
intentions to yourself for a time when both of you agree to allow one another
to vent or even during time with a professional counselor. This is one option
that should not be overlooked. It is a professional counselor's job to see to
it that even though the forests have been burned and there is much blame and
spite to go around about who and what caused it, they will see to it that the
emotions inside are accounted for and resolution will gradually find its path.
While resolution may find its way, there are many reasons why
those involved in relationships such as these actually do the things they do.
Most times it seems that those getting involved in an affair are not seeking
sexual gratification, it merely has to do with the relationship itself. When
neither the adulterer nor the victim will really blame themselves when an
affair is involved, both sides must look at the relationship and really assess
what is not being agreed upon and what the trouble is in order to mend the
things which cause one side to begin looking elsewhere for their needs. Other
reasons could simply be because of low self esteem or even a search for self
sort of phase where the individual wants to find out more about themselves as
they feel there may be more out there than just what they've got right now in
their life. In many cases, it has been something that has been learned from
another family member. Possibly, a child witnesses their own parents having
affairs or has just learned to accept that affairs are realities as the
examples are everywhere.
Whatever the reason is, if an affair has taken place and both
sides now know the truth, then it is time to begin the healing process. It is
not a pleasant process at all, but a growing process. Both sides must commit to
resolving the issues which caused such infidelity to occur and let the healing
begin. I am not saying that every person will forgive their spouse for having
an affair, but I am just letting those who do not want to end their long
history with their spouse and feel they can forgive and that there really is
hope for the both of you. If this is how a person feels then try not to be
angry and spiteful and look more towards finding the solution through first
contacting a counselor in your area. This will begin the process of bringing to
the surface those things which really make the difference between you and your
loved one and begin the path of healing. For more information, please visit http://www.TheraPeep.com.
11. Divorce and Infidelity
An adulterous person is punished and ostracised by Judaism too.
Hinduism does not have a very strong stance against it, but does not encourage
it either. While English law cannot convict a spouse for infidelity,
extramarital affairs remain the greatest ground for divorce in the UK
Three is definitely a crowd when it comes to the marriage bed.
The love triangle in literature and films has usually ended in tragedy. The
novels that do contain divorce; be it 'The Rain Maker' with its brutally
abusive husband or 'Anna Karenina' with the free spirited but socially
oppressed woman, have found clever means of 'justifying' matters. The marriage
can be abandoned only if it contains villainous elements such as wife beaters,
frivolous wives, social stigma or some other obstacle. This helps to justify
the 'other' man or woman as someone who is a rescuer in some sense. If it is a
good marriage, and a good lover, then the end is tragic, and people still dab
their eyes after seeing 'Casablanca
How Affairs Begin
Extramarital affairs usually do not happen in real life as we
see them in movies - a ravishing beauty or a handsome stranger doest not happen
to cross our path every day with music playing in the background. Some of the
typical starters are as follows.
· The most common formula in the UK
· In the case of women, younger males are still not the first
choice. Usually, the forty plus woman who has an affair is also bored with the
daily grind, and has started to look upon family as an extra burden. There is
nothing wrong in both cases, we are all human beings and cannot live like
machines too long.
· Then there is the old flame syndrome - the college sweetheart
discovered on a chat site, an old colleague joining the office again, moving to
a city and discovering your former lover is a neighbour - the world is round
after all.
· When children grow up and go away, the responsibilities of
parenthood are over. Many affairs happen at this juncture.
· Workplace romances, meeting while travelling, meeting on the
net, or the proverbial love at first sight - coincidences play cupid in these
cases.
· Some marriages are dead by the time the affair happens, so it
is almost a relief.
· Physical or emotional abuse, seeking freedom from an
overbearing partner, children being maltreated, professional rivalries, ego
battles - there are many reasons why one may start disliking the present
partner.
When it is Discovered
A stormy break up is still unfortunately the most common
outcome. Most partners leave the defaulter and go away to stay elsewhere, usually
taking the children along. Some start stalking the partner or reacting
violently. Some just give up. Trying out a trial separation or temporary period
of living apart is becoming more popular as a remedy. However, some marriages
grow stronger after overcoming the storm.
Restoring the Marriage
Restoring a marriage is not easy. Both parties have to put in
enough effort and be honest to each other and themselves. If you do not want
your spouse to stray again, you should not chain him or her at your side. Grant
the freedom instead, and make some effort yourself. Going on a vacation has
always been a good way to re bond. Take a weekend off minus the kids, it will
help both of you to unwind and come closer. Love is not all that makes a
marriage; you need to understand and respect each other, and find ways of
adjusting around mutual oddities. It may sound clichéd or Victorian, but there
is no harm in being more flexible. If your injured ego is the base of your
grand resentment against the person you love most, maybe a self check would be
a good idea too. Marriage is a commitment, and blind resentment is not a mature
reaction, no matter what the circumstances are.
Many men will not believe this, but the fact of the matter is
that women do cheat, and at about the same frequency as men do. They are just
more discreet about it. Better at covering their tracks, you could say.
Here are some signs that your woman may be stepping out on you.
Your woman suddenly starts talking about someone - maybe an
"old friend", or someone she works with. But she's vague about the
details and doesn't get too specific. This should get your guard up right away,
as most women love detail and would love to fill you in. Her lack of desire in
doing this is shady, at best. Consider her as being more evasive if she
continues to keep the "friendship" on the down low, and keeps putting
off introducing you to him.
Many women who are cheating will nag their husbands. Nagging
helps her to feel less guilt, by allowing her to point out your many
imperfections and even justify her actions. If she is becoming a shrew, and
this is a new behavior for her, you might want to investigate further.
She may suddenly be going on a lot of shopping sprees. Yet when
she comes home, hours later, she doesn't have any purchases. She tells you she
didn't find anything she liked. But this is out of character for your woman,
and you know it on some level.
Alternatively, where before she walked around with sweat pants
and wasn't too concerned about her appearance, all of a sudden she's a fashion
plate. She's got a ton of new, sexy clothes that she's wearing for someone.
Just not you, unfortunately.
Along those same lines, all of a sudden she's getting her hair
done, she's wearing makeup, she's obviously trying to look good. Something may
be up.
You check out her cell phone history, and there are numbers you
don't recognize that she has called repeatedly. You are even considering doing
a reverse phone search, something you never would have considered previously.
Doing a reverse phone lookup definitely seems like spying to you. But you need
to know.
If your woman is starting to do some of the above, it is time
for you to have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Maybe all she needs is more
attention, or affection. Whatever it is, if you talk it over with her you have
a shot at working it out. Give it a try; your relationship is worth it.
The slowly dawning realization that your partner is cheating on
you can cause many people to do some very silly things even if it turns out to
not be true which can ruin a relationship that was actually fine! Love can be a
strange thing and while it may make you feel better to confront and yell at
your partner if you think they are having an affair it is best not to jump to
conclusions yet. Before you confirm your suspicions look for more sign of
cheating. There have been cases where a husband had been acting suspiciously
and the wife confronted him one night when she got home, too late she realized
that all her friends and family where hiding for a surprise party as she
screamed at him. His actions were actually innocent but to her he seemed
distant and secretive... how embarresing! So get started by reading these 10
signs of a cheating partner.
1. Mysterious phone calls
Do you sometimes get a call at home only to have it hang up when
you answer? Or does your partner sometimes take a call in a suspicious way by
talking very quietly or walking into other rooms away from your hearing? With
mobile phones more and more common it is harder to detect this but another clue
with cell phones is if your partner does not let you near their phone for some
reason ... incriminating evidence perhaps.
2. New smells
Does your partner start smelling different? This can include the
partner using perfume or aftershave more when they did not before or perhaps
they smell of perfume or aftershave when coming home. The smells of cigarettes
can also indicate they may be frequenting bars without you which could be
suspicious too. Often you can smell these things in their clothes.
3. Guilt
Some people are able to hide their cheating very well and act
exactly the same as if they were not. Most people however will not be that
poker faced and may exhibit guilty behavior such as looking uncomfortable
around you, or suddenly becoming very quiet, or even becoming much louder and
more talkative but usually about nothing. If their behavior around you becomes
more erratic than usual they may be wrestling with guilt and it is showing in
their voice, face and actions.
4. Cleaning up
Another sign of cheating is the partner suddenly starts cleaning
up fastidiously. They delete emails and websites very quickly and SMSes too,
they wash their own clothes very quickly to get rid of smells and stains; they
clean their car interior very regularly and even their wallet. Destroying
evidence is a sign of a cheater trying very hard not to get caught.
5. Starts working out
While you may be impressed that your partner out of the blue
starts working out and taking more care of themselves this could be their
desire to look good for their lover not for you! This is usually is they do
this without consulting you or talking about it however as they are not
thinking about you only their affair.
6. Odd friendships
Do your mutual friends start acting strangely? They may know
what is going on but cannot or will not say.
7. Change in sex
Does your partner suddenly stop having regular sex with you? OR
do they suddenly have more and more sex? What about a sudden desire to try new
love techniques? These could all point to the possibility of infidelity as
their hormones and sexual appetites changes with their emotions and situation.
8. Less time
Does your partner suddenly have less time for you? Do they go
away on more business trips than usual? Work more overtime? Go out to do
errands in the morning but takes the whole day?
9. Money changes
Do you notice your partner is spending much more than they used
to? New clothes and more money being used on things you cannot pin down that
might be gifts for their lover? Do your transaction records show they have used
their cards at restaurants or hotels? That is a sure fire sign of cheating!
10. Intuition
As much as you don't want to be right you know your partner
best. If your gut instinct is telling you there is something wrong it may be
that all these little things have formed into a feeling at the back of your
mind without you consciously thinking about it. While evidence and clues are
most important to judge the facts you cannot ignore your own heart and mind
either. Sometimes you also may not really believe it despite the clues and you
may be like the woman I mentioned earlier who jumped the gun!
In the end all cheaters let something slip, even if they stop
cheating now years later you may find out from something small and innocent
even. In any event you must be sure before you take action on this or you could
wreck a good relationship or even one that may have issues but are totally
solvable! Good luck!
I know that you are anxious about your situation and you want
answers - is your spouse cheating or not? If you suspect you spouse or partner
of cheating, and plan on doing some snooping around, what you don't do may be
every bit as important as what you do. In general you do not want to tip your
cheating spouse off to the fact that you are suspicious of their cheating or
infidelity.
The biggest mistake that you could possibly make is to confront
your spouse before you have done an investigation and/or have proof of the
affair that they cannot deny. In no way should you let your spouse no that you
are suspicious. He/she is already being secretive and hiding the truth from
you. If you tip them off it will make it harder to find the truth.
If you ask them straight out they will no doubt deny it , and if
you really think about it, they don't have a choice. If they are not cheating
on you, they have to deny it. If they are cheating on you, but they don't want
your relationship to end, they will deny it because it will either kill the
relationship or badly damage it - something they don't want. If they are
cheating on you and they plan on leaving, our experience tells us that they
will lie to you until the very last minute for one of two reasons, the person
they want to be with is not 110% committed to be with them indefinitely or they
feel that they cannot get divorced due to monetary or religious concerns. In
short, there is almost no opportunity for the truth to come out on it's own and
if it does, the timing is completely controlled by your unfaithful spouse.
The bottom line is that if he/she knows that you are onto them
they will go to even greater lengths to cover their tracks, making it even more
difficult for you to find out the truth.
Are you at risk for straying from your marriage? While most
people worry about their partner have an affair, few people check out their own
feelings about monogamy, faithfulness, and intimacy. Marriage isn't easy. We
make a vow to keep our pants zipped, and this comes with incredible challenges
to our character. If we don't consciously think things through and communicate
our feelings about these challenges to our partner, we can end up doing something
that is not only destructive to our partner, but potentially to ourselves and
another party. Whole families can be affected by your rash decision. And while
an affair can seem like a good way to test the waters and see if life could be
better with a different partner, remember that relatively few adulterous
relationships turn into successful marriages.
So
how do you know if you are someone that could, potentially, have an affair?
Consider some of the reasons people mention for straying from their marriage
and see if you recognize yourself.- Your spouse doesn't listen to
you.
- You are bored in the bedroom.
- You don't feel close to your
partner.
- You can't stand your partner's
habits.
- You don't feel fulfilled; you
don't see the point of being married.
On some level, who cares that you feel this way? "Marital
bliss" is reached by some couples, but never sustained very long. No one
is capable of sustaining a perfect union. So if you don't feel heard or find
your partner irritating, that's normal.
That being said, you shouldn't suffer, either. But the way out
of your suffering is probably not to have an affair. For most people, an affair
is just a symptom that you are avoiding something in your own relationship. I'm
not suggesting that you don't have a reason to have an affair. But instead of
reacting to your situation by having an affair, reflect:
- Remind yourself
of why you got married in the first place. You were looking for a
companion, a lover, and a business partner. It was a tall order, but you
felt your spouse could fill it. Life happened, however, and now you are
disappointed. Be honest, though-could you possibly be a disappointment to
your partner?
- Do you take
risks in the bedroom? It takes two to make what are supposed to be
intimate moments a yawn festival. When was the last time you talked to
your partner about what he or she might find exciting?
- Many people
think that they are good listeners, but are not. Check in with yourself
and see if you check out when your spouse is talking to you. You get what
you give. Experiment with paying passionate attention to what your spouse
is saying to you. Even if it is critical, listen with an open mind. There
may be a grain of truth in your spouse's observation. Or, you may learn
that there is a problem that needs to be resolved, one that will improve
your marriage and your life.
- How do you
create intimacy? Do you share your thoughts, hopes, and dreams with your
partner? Or do you take them all to someone else? Better yet, ask your
partner what he or she is thinking about lately. Learning about your
partner's innermost thoughts may inspire you to share yours, as well.
- Bad habits, you?
Impossible. Yeah, right. Start picking up after yourself, filling the gas
tank if you've used the car, and putting your banana peel down the garbage
disposal instead of leaving it in the sink.
- Monogamy isn't
pretty. If it were easy to be monogamous, there wouldn't be so much
divorce. Instead of pretending that you are handling the demands of
monogamy so well, talk frankly about how difficult it is. Your partner may
be relieved to have someone who understands the challenges of such a
relationship.
15 Signs of a Cheating Girlfriend
- 3 Proven Ways to Know
Do
you doubt your girlfriend? Do you think something is not right in your
relationship and your girlfriend might be hiding something or maybe cheating on
you? Do you think she might be seeing someone else behind your back? Read on to
discover some of the best ways and signs to catch a cheating girlfriend.She stops calling all of a sudden- How often do you speak on the phone with her? If your girlfriend is really cheating on you she would stop calling you all of a sudden and would not even let you know why she did not call. Even when you call her up she would not have anything interesting to talk about and would find all possible reasons to hang up on you.
She's less emotional towards you- Her emotions towards you would die if she is really cheating on you. She would not get sad or depressed even when you two have a fight and would be less bothered about how you react.
She starts treating you like a stranger- She would instantly start treating you like a stranger and would not show much interest in you anymore. Even while you are in conversation with her she would make it a point to look around and get lost in her own little world while you are talking to her.
She does not like physical contact anymore- She would avoid kissing, hugging and other physical things which you would normally do with her. She would start getting agitated whenever you touch her physically and would push you back on all possible occasions.
16. How to Handle a Cheater
Finding out someone you're in a committed relationship with is
being unfaithful can be devastating. You're caught up in a whirlwind of fears
and emotions. How should you handle this situation? As usual, I have a rather
unorthodox approach.
Have you ever seen the show "Cheaters"? I used to
consider it a guilty pleasure until I realized it contained a wealth of
knowledge for someone like me. "Cheaters" follows a
"suspect" when their partner thinks they may be cheating. After gathering
enough videotaped evidence, the suspecting partner (cheatee), the host, a tv
crew consisting of several cameras and a lot of security confront the cheater
in the act. This can be at a bar, nightclub, restaurant, hotel room, parked
car, etc.
After watching the show for many months, I began to notice a
pattern. During the confrontation, one of three scenarios will usually take
place. About 80% of the time, the cheater has the opposite reaction to that of
their partner. This means, if the cheatee is upset and emotional, making
comments such as, "How could you?" "I gave you everything you
wanted", the cheater has an attitude, often gets angry and sometimes runs
away. The person they've been cheating with usually had no idea they were
involved in a triangle. It also works in reverse, in that if the cheatee says,
"That's it. It's over. I'm done" the cheater usually responds with,
"I'm sorry. I love you. Let's work it out." The remaining 20% of the
time, both parties agree - they either both want to stay together or they both
say they're done.
From this pattern, I think it's easy to see that when
confronting an unfaithful partner, you should remain as calm as possible. This
is a lot easier to do if you don't actually catch them in the act, but find out
when they're not around. Resist the urge to immediately call them up and demand
an explanation. Do not contact them until you have calmed down and have decided
exactly what you're going to do. This can range from a day (wait a minimum of
24 hours) to a week or more.
I once found out through a third party that a guy I was seeing
was cheating. This was the second time I had caught him, so while the emotional
side of me didn't want to let go, intellectually, I knew it had to be over for
good. We had had a disagreement the day before I found out, so we did not speak
to each other for about 10 days. In that time, I walked around like a zombie,
feeling very weak, not wanting to eat. I was grieving the loss of the
relationship.
When he finally showed up at my door, I was done. He tried to
claim the person was a friend, but I didn't buy it. I was very calm and went
about my business in the kitchen, while he stood there trying to lie his way
out of it. After a few minutes I waved my hand and said, "Go away. I'm
busy." His response, "I'll see you later." Me: No you won't.
Him: So it's over? Me: Yes!
What if you catch your partner in the act? My suggestion is that
you say and do nothing. Simply look them in the eye, with no expression, then
turn and walk away. I know 99% of you reading this are not going to be able to
do it, but if you really want to know the truth, you need to let them show you
what it is, either through their actions or non-actions. Losing control by
yelling and causing a scene is never attractive, even if you feel justified.
Put yourself in their shoes. If you were the one caught cheating, which
reaction would shake you up more? Which reaction would you respect more?
When you freak out, you're actually trying to bully and
manipulate your partner into reacting to you in a way that will assure you that
they still care for you. You're like a child having a temper tantrum in order
to get the attention you don't feel you're getting. You're also giving their
ego a big boost. Your actions are saying: You are so important to me that I am
willing to lose control and act temporarily insane. You have that much power
over me. Is that really the message you want to send?
That's why saying nothing and walking away is a better reaction.
As we learned from "Cheaters", they are more likely to be apologetic
and want to work things out (if that's what you want) if you remain calm. By
not having to defend themselves against your tirade, you give them the space to
get in touch with their true feelings for you and your relationship. Not to
mention the fact that their respect for you will rise immensely, since it takes
strength to just walk away. We all want to be with someone that is emotionally
strong.
Even if they've run after you and pleaded to talk to you, that
is not the time to talk. You need to get over the shock of your discovery and
they need to think about what they've done. You now need to be
"incommunicado". The reason for this is because when people think
they've lost someone that was important to them, their true feelings come out.
It's the old, "Don't know what you've got till it's gone". If they
care, they will do whatever they have to, to get you back. If they don't, they
won't and you're better off without them. Don't take their calls or answer the
door until you're convinced that they're ready to be honest. Leave them
wondering for at least a week or two.
If it does turn out that your partner had already moved on, but
neglected to tell you, at least you walk away with your dignity, if you don't
freak out. Why give them proof that their decision to leave was right, by
acting like a psycho? If you cause a scene, you will forever be in their
relationship hall of shame. If you walk away with your head held high, you will
forever be in their relationship hall of fame.
17. Sign Of A Cheating Spouse: 11 Of The Most Obvious And Blatant Offenses
In this article I'm going to cover the 11 most obvious signs of
a cheating spouse, the ones that signal the greatest likelihood of infidelity,
in the hopes that it will help prevent the emotional trauma that people suffer
from infidelity--millions are harmed by unfaithful spouses every year, and
often the damage would have been lessened had they known early on, had they
known some of the warning signs.
When an infidelity victim finally mustered the strength to end
their relationship with her partner, she displayed all the symptoms of a victim
of physical and psychological abuse - anxiety, depression, poor self-esteem and
a distorted sense of reality. Yet their partner was no typical perpetrator of
domestic violence. He had not laid a hand on her during their relationship and
only rarely raised his voice to her. Yet they have managed to undermine and
diminish her to the point of illness and hospitalization through their
relentless pursuit of a long-standing sexual affair with his work colleague.
Don't let this happen to you, don't deny the possibility, and keep your eyes
open for:
1. The MOST obvious and important: SUDDEN CHANGES IN
BEHAVIOR--this is the biggest one, and the one that is ALWAYS exhibited by a
cheating spouse, although someone exhibiting this isn't necessarily cheating,
obviously.
Examples:
- Wants to go
places alone.
- Develops sudden
platonic relationships.
- Stays out late
at unexpected meetings or events.
- Frequently
receives phone calls at times when he/she almost never used to.
- Develops sudden
interest in odd activities/clubs/organizations/hobbies, doesn't seem to
want you to join in (or chooses ones you can't join in on).
*Note that the keyword with this one is 'sudden'--behavior that
suddenly changes or seems to come out of left field, behavior that is
uncharacteristic of your partner.
2. Phone bill(s) and/or their personal financial records/bills
(bank statements) are either intercepted before you can see them or are forwarded
elsewhere (office, PO Box, friend's house, etc.).
3. Sudden (there's that word again) improvement in appearance:
gets more frequent/expensive haircuts, better clothes/jewelry, loses weight or
shows sudden interest in doing so (i.e. 40-something Bob, big-bellied bowling
champ and avid football fan, suddenly decides to join Jenny Craig--hhhmmmmmm,
hint-hint).
4. Starts hiding or securing certain things or information from
you, i.e. puts password on their computer (or encrypts/hides certain files),
locks up his/her laptop in their vehicle then takes their car keys off your
keychain (check their glove compartment--locked? why? won't give you a key?
why??!), gets a safe deposit box and won't say what's in it (or they do and
they're lying), puts stuff in a shed or area of the attic or garage that they
can padlock and won't give you a key, gets a small lock-box and hides under bed
or in the closet or in the attic etc.
5. Suddenly becomes very late for things they usually wouldn't
be ("I'll be home at 6 honey"...shows up at 10, repeats similar
performance several more times).
6. Spends lots of time away, says they're with friends, then you
hear their friends talking about how they haven't seen him/her as much lately
or they haven't even seen them at all in several weeks.
7. Says they're working late/overtime, you ask one of their
coworkers about the overtime or extra hours and, "Huh? No, not really;
we've actually had it pretty easy lately..." Hmm, NOT a good sign.
8. Doesn't want you showing up at work, or at some other
specific place at a certain time and seems almost desperate, upset, or angry
when he/she suddenly hears you're coming--his/her reaction to such things seems
severely out of proportion.
9. Sudden (there's that word again) lack of sexual interest. If we're
talking about your husband, this is a BIG one, obviously: you try getting him
interested then suddenly find yourself rejected and wondering when the hell did
he ever NOT want to?! There's an unlikely chance it's due to a medical
condition, but if you find yourself using that to excuse for him just remember
that one word: unlikely...VERY unlikely.
10. Look in his or her wallet, this can be a VERY plentiful
source of clues/evidence: receipts from meals they didn't take you to that
covers two people (if it's HIS wallet and the other person had a peach daiquiri
and a chicken caesar salad, hmmm), ticket stubs from things they didn't take
you to, a telephone number with 'call me' note (always a good clue...), condoms
and two of you haven't used condoms in years, receipts from strip clubs
especially if there's a VERY big tip to one person (a bit obvious, but
11. His/her underwear smells like perfume/cologne...it's not
yours...ok, that's BAD.
Some of these might seem a bit obvious but remember: never
underestimate the stupidity of stupid people--there's lots of them out there so
odds are good that your partner is one of them, which means your odds of
catching them are good.
Happy hunting.
18. Amazing New Ways To Catch A Cheating Spouse Now
This article is about cheating Spouse situations that affect
umpteen marriages today. Yes, it all begins like a fairy tale. Two people madly
in love and promising to be true to each other till the end of their lives.
Romance in the early days is full of bliss, with love notes being shared,
flowers being sent, and surprise gifts, create a very rosy picture. You never
realize at the time, that your heart could be broken.
It is truly gratifying and praise worthy when marriages are just
as romantic and happy as they were at the outset. However, the world is full of
many broken hearts. Past promises are forgotten and broken, and infidelity has
taken its place in the relationship. Hopefully, your situation is very
different and love plays an important role in your life and happiness. If this
is the case, you are obviously blessed. The following is for those that suspect
their spouse or lover is cheating and is likely unfaithful.
There are tell tale signs and clues of infidelity for the
watchful eye but often people are in denial that there is any infidelity in
their relationship. Should you wish to learn the truth, then follow the signs
and put your suspicions to rest once and for all. Some of the signs of a
cheating spouse are below:
1. Coming Home Late From Work....a situation that has changed
from the earlier times when love was in the air at home and spouse got home as
quickly as possible after work.
2. Disinterested in home activities and lack of interest in the
day to day events at home, and there seems to be an appearance of boredom.
3. A Lack of intimacy in the relationship as well as a lack of
pleasant conversations and mutual discussions as was in the past.
4. Spouse takes particular interest in personal grooming,
clothes and appearance. The foregoing is just a short list that can serve as
warning signs that the marriage could be in jeopardy and that there is
infidelity in the marriage.
19. How To Dump Someone Without Hurting Them - Free Yourself From The Burden
Have you reached a time in your relationship where you feel it's
better to move on? Well no one likes rejection but if you do it in the right
way by not making it seem like rejection than it does not hurt the person too
much and everything goes on smoothly. A lot of factors play a very important
role when it comes to dumping someone which include timing, the way you say it,
reading the persons reaction and so on. Read on to discover some of the best
ways to dump someone without hurting them.
Cut it slowly- This is probably one of the best ways to dump
someone without them even realizing it. Try to cut down the conversation and
meeting with your partner and let him or her get used to it. Once used to it
your partner would not call you or be willing to meet you that much after a
certain period of time and would most probably start looking for other options
and you can do the same.
Stop involving emotions- Once you cut out all emotions from your
relationship your partner would start getting signals from your end that you do
not care anymore and he or she would do the same and there would be a time when
all modes of communication would be shut off completely.
Set your partner free- Or you can tell your partner that you
need a break and probably he or she should take a break as well and see how
things work out. Give your partner the complete freedom to date again as this
would free his or her mind and they would end up looking for other options.
20. Cheating Housewives
Cheating housewives are not from another world, they are here,
in our society. But why these housewives are following the path of infidelity?
Have you ever tried to think about that? The real cause behind such a
misbehavior is their dissatisfaction- whether it is emotional, sexual,
financial or whatever you may think of.
Do you think that the housewives or these married women are only
responsible for this cheating with their husbands. No, not always. Sometimes,
the wife herself is responsible for all this while sometimes, its you, her
husband. Circumstances should never be blamed because you and me who create
such circumstances and see the tragic irony, that we are the only victims.
To the contrary, there are certain situations, when you are
innocent, but still you have to go through all this. Your wife cheats you badly
when you are completely innocent and faithful to her. And this hurts you
severely. Then you ask yourself or your GOD why this happened to you. The
answer is that unintentionally, there was something that she expected from you
and you missed that in your behavior. That could be giving proper attention to her,
helping her in her household chores, looking after the kids, praising her, a
nice loving hug, free idle moments with her or maybe enough money to satisfy
her needs.
There are so many aspects to this, if you analyze. Like,
contrary to what we have discussed just now, if a wife is cheating on her
husband due to some or the other reason, then this is her mistake. This is not
the solution or the end to her problems. Rather this extramarital affair will
worsen her problems. A new entry to the list of her problems, due to which she
cheated her husband. If her husband is innocent, and she is quite aware of that
then how her conscience allows to cheat with him. Has she no feelings for him?
Why she does not understand that he is not working for so many hours for
himself, in fact he is doing all this just to make his wife and kids happy and
contented. And if still she cannot get satisfied with her husband, then that is
her problem.
Now, what concerns you the most being a husband, is to how to
find out if your wife is cheating on you or not. Maybe its your illusion, maybe
you are right- but who will decide it- YOU. Yes buddy, this you will have to do
on your own without letting anybody know about it. The reason is that if she is
cheating on you then, one or the other day, everybody is going to know about
it. But if she is found innocent, then!!! Then what will you do, how will you
justify later on to your friends that you were wrong in suspecting her and she
is innocent. This will ruin her image completely.
So, first gather the evidence against her before you react to
anything. Simply telling her that yes, i know that you are cheating on me, will
not be enough to make your life peaceful. You will have to catch her
red-handed.
Its up to you how much pains you take to sort the things out. As
nothing is going to happen even if you do nothing, only she will remain hitting
you below your belt again and again till you die of it. The choice is yours!
Remember one thing, that she who is cheating on you is smarter
and cleverer than you, and you have to beat her in this! Be watchful!
21. How To Find Out If Your Lover Is About To Break Up With You? Catch It Before It Happens
Is your lover as excited about you as you are about him or her?
Well sometimes things go bad even when we expect good things to happen but this
is just a part of life and such things take place. But the main problem is the
embarrassment and the pain of rejection which we have to go through when we get
dumped. But what if you could figure out before hand that you are about to be
dumped? That would save you from a lot of possible pain and embarrassment at
the same time. Read on to find out some of the most remarkable ways to find out
if you are about to be dumped.
Sudden lack of interest- If your lover has sudden lack of
interest in you and does not care about the relationship anymore than this
might be an indication that he or she is about to end it and dump you. Remember
it's always good to leave before you are left.
Calls you a loser- This is a clear indication that there is a
possible rejection coming your way. When your lover uses such comments on you
than it's more than obvious that he or she is tired of hanging around you and
just simply want to move on.
Insults you in public- When your lover starts insulting you in
public and embarrasses you in the public eye than he or she would not care much
to dump you in public too further adding to your pain and embarrassment.
Ignores calls in front of you- When this is the case than your
lover is hanging out with someone else or has already found someone else but
does not want you to know yet. Never force it or question your lover too much
under this situation. Just let it be and leave before you are left.
22. Reasons As to Why Women Stray Into Infidelity
Punitive measures, which have been taken against straying wives,
were adopted in the mistaken belief that some women are adulterous by nature,
and the penalties were meant to discourage repetitive acts.
However, infidelity in a woman has always been a reaction to
certain stressful situations. A few of these anxiety inducers that motivate a
woman into cheating her spouse have been given here.
Absence of Communication
Very few spouses realise the value of effective soulful
communication. Nil or absent communication has been repeatedly stressed as a
factor that has induced great marital dissatisfaction.
Usually, in the early years of marriage, motherhood regales a
woman and diminished conversation does not affect her much, especially when she
is surrounded by her small loving children. Over the years, (once the children
turn school-goers) reduced spousal articulation induces severe boredom. A man
who rarely talks with his wife fails to fulfil her emotional requirements.
The bored woman soon seeks other avenues for emotional fulfilment.
One such easily accessible source in modern times is the internet. In the
private confines of her room, the woman develops an instant rapport with men
and reveals the most intimate details of her personal life. What amazes many a
marriage counsellor or an analyst is that such profound closeness had never
been experienced by the marital mates. Probably, such a deep relationship might
have prevailed in the days of courtship and would have subsequently vanished
during marital life.
Herein is a cautionary word for every married person. It is
vital to converse regularly with the spouse, in the right tone and manner.
Couples develop a close bonding only by discussing day-to-day issues and
planning a life that has to be lived together. When sharing of personal
feelings does not occur, it is natural for the woman to turn lonely.
Loneliness and Marital Monotony
Loneliness is a silent killer of the marriage. None can vouch
stronger for this fact than the long-suffering wife of an absentee spouse, who
globe-trots for professional reasons. Consistent spousal absence or attention
denial, (even when present) makes the woman feel neglected.
Usually, men who neglect their wives are disinclined to show any
interest in their job, ideas, activities, etc. The wife spends her day taking
care of the house and children. The marital monotony combined with negligence
hurts her self-esteem. Such women are often found to seek solace in
relationships outside marriage.
The place of work proves to be the ideal place for developing
close contacts. Here, men and women work adjacent to one another. There is
ample scope to turn professional relationships personal and gradually the
affair transcends the platonic stage. The relationship is then used by the
woman to validate her desirability, boost her self-esteem and nurture her own
ego. At times, she might even use this opportunity to seek vengeance on her
spouse, for making her suffer so.
A Working Woman
A woman works outside the house, manages a difficult job and
then returns home to cook for the family and keep the house clean. Her partner
hardly bothers to help. Despite being tired, the woman is expected to do all
the household chores like the non-working women of yester years.
This gender adherence to roles should be completely given up if
the marriage has to be saved. Men should acclimatise themselves to the changing
role of women.
These are a few factors that make women cheat their spouse. Upon
revelation of the extramarital alliance, the affair might get prematurely
terminated, but the lost trust and faith take years to rebuild.
Women infidelity has been in existence since long, but it is
only of late that attention is being given to this issue. An in-depth study of
the entire subject has revealed only one factor. Women cheat their spouse, as a
last resort, when all other measures to inculcate love and affection in the
relationship fail. Adultery in women is easily preventable for women cheat for
emotional reasons. If their need for love and respect are fulfilled, rarely
will there be infidel women. Women will only cheat their spouse if they are
unhappy in a marriage, while men cheat despite being happily married.
23. Relationship Conflict - 7 Effective Tips For Dealing With Conflict
All of us encounter situations where we feel strongly one way or
another. In many situations it doesn't really matter but rather the differences
enrich discussions and our relationships. We can have our independent views and
be proud of them. . Conflict comes about when two people want different things
at the same time and the outcome affects both of them. This is especially true
for couples who are married or in serious relationships because the stand they
take individually has repercussions on the relationship.
1. Be Fair.Keep in mind that in a caring relationship the
outcome of resolving the conflict has to be that both people are OK. If winning
at any cost becomes most important for one, both people lose.
2. No Name Calling.Name calling and putting the other down does
not belong in healthy relationships. Those tactics are an indication of having
to be right at all cost. They show an inability to be able to appreciate and
work with differentness. Hitting below the belt is a way of throwing the
partner's weaknesses in his or her face.
3. No Third Parties.When the conflict is between two people it
needs to stay there. It is not fair for one to pull parents, children,
relatives etc. in to strengthen his/her side. Getting input from others can be
helpful if both agree that it is warranted.
4. No Past History.As soon as one person brings in past history
it becomes much harder to deal with the conflict at hand. It can divert one
from the disagreement at hand and make it much harder to work towards a
mutually satisfying outcome.
5. Do Not Go To Bed Angry.This gem has been passed down through
generations and it continues to be sound advice. Dragging a fight out is life
draining. Anger that is not dealt with can destroy relationships.
6. Maintain a Sense of Humor.Laugh at yourself but don't laugh
at or make fun of your partner. Lightening up helps you stay in the present and
hopefully allows both of you to work towards a solution to the impasse.
7. Conflict Strengthens Relationships
Couples need conflict in order to grow as individuals and in
their relationship.. By bringing forth their strong feelings they learn to
understand each other better. Thus the initial goal is not to solve the problem
but to learn to understand ones own thinking and to understand where ones
partner is coming from. Some couples play it save and don't confront each other
when they have differences. Couples need to ask themselves "Is there
nothing worth fighting for". By confronting issues individuals grow and
intimacy deepens.
24. 7 Signs Your Honey May Cheat
Most of us - even the not-so-jealous types - know that feeling
of, "Is my sweetheart really working late... or could this person be
two-timing me?" I've counseled many individuals dealing with this concern,
so let me share my knowledge with you about the signs that someone is cheating
(or seriously contemplating it). Use this information and insight-and either
stop worrying or have a serious talk with your partner!
Sign #1: Your honey keeps you a secret from his/her family &
friends
Cheaters keep you in the dark while they play in the light. Your
relationship won't work if you're getting what I call the Shadow Treatment. The
Shadow Treatment means that you are often kept waiting in the wings while your
mate is out socializing. Think about it: Are there gatherings of friends,
family reunions or workplace parties that you are not invited to? Do you only
meet some of your honey's network of friends? If you are kept on the sidelines,
there's probably a good reason. Maybe your honey is on the prowl for someone
else. Or perhaps there is already someone else and so your role in his or her
life can't be made public. Anytime you are kept on the fringes once you believe
you are an exclusive couple, be suspicious. And know that the only way to end
Shadow Treatment is to stop accepting it. Once you challenge it, you will
either be fully accepted in your sweetheart's life... or know it's time to
leave.
Sign #2: Your honey is emotionally absent
Cheaters conceal their emotional whereabouts so they can be
evasive about their physical whereabouts. Love is exhausting when you have to
pry the truth out of a partner.
Consider this story: After enjoying a platonic friendship for a
decade, Margaret and Roy began dating. Roy
An emotionally absent partner may say what you want to hear, but
will not change his or her actions-unless he or she wants to. Saying the right
thing and doing the right thing are very different. If your honey talks a good
game about spending more time with you and paying more attention to you but never
delivers-look out! This person may be juggling multiple relationships.
Sign #3: Your honey says he or she wants a no-strings-attached
romance
If someone says, "I don't want a commitment," take the
sucker at his or her word. Don't fall into that "I'll be the one to change
all that!" trap. Cheaters rebel against control and might even have an
affair to spite a partner who wants to rein him or her in.
Too often, people ignore the clear message a potential date
sends. If someone tells you, "I'm not into serious relationships,"
"I won't give up my freedom," "I'm not ready to settle
down," or anything resembling that, take a giant step back! He or she is
clearly telling you, "I want to play the field." If you pursue the
person anyway, hoping for an exclusive relationship, you may find yourself
two-timed and broken-hearted. Never push a person into a situation he or she
doesn't want to be in. Never pursue a committed relationship with someone who
tells you he or she doesn't want one.
Sign # 4: Your honey admits to cheating on exes-and justifies
the betrayals
Cheaters rationalize their behavior to let themselves off the
hook. The way they justify their actions tells much about their character.
Listen to the excuses for past cheating your honey uses. Here
are a couple I've heard from clients in my therapy practice over the years:
* "My ex was abusive because of a drinking problem, so I
deserved to see someone kinder on the side."
* "My father cheated on my mom, so cheating on my
girlfriend is how I'm working through my past."
Everyone has a tale to tell. But are these rationalizations - or
any rationalizations - acceptable to you? A person who admits to infidelities
in the past and explains them away has a good chance of straying again. He or
she has not taken responsibility for past actions, nor worked through the
issues involved.
Sign #5: Your honey has never been without a mate
Cheaters won't ride solo... ever! Leaving one romance and
hopping into a new one - or having simultaneous affairs at once - doesn't leave
time for assessing whatever went wrong. They don't bother with introspection;
their focus is squarely set on pulling new people into their orbit. If you are
dating a person who shares a romantic history that always involves finding a
new partner before breaking up with the current partner, take heed. This person
may think of his or her mate only as void-fillers. Filling a void is never a
basis for lasting love.
Sign #6: Your honey tells lies about little things
Cheaters lie about everything, which leads you to question their
truth from their fiction. When the need to embroider overshadows the desire to
be honest, the relationship becomes a sham.
Craig's friend set him up on a blind date with divorcée, Alice,
who was a top attorney in town with no children. Each time they were together, Alice Alice Alice Alice
If you are dating someone who seems to be untruthful about
mundane topics - where he or she had lunch, what he or she is doing on Sunday
morning - take note. The lies probably run deep. As my Gilda-Gram warns,
"Without truth, there is no love."
Sign # 7: Your honey brags about his or her sex appeal
Cheaters are insecure, and need to attract constant attention on
the side. They flaunt their popularity in attempts to boost their own low
self-esteem. Let me give you an example: Marilyn met a "hot guy" on a
singles cruise, and the pair became inseparable for the week. When they
returned home, they spoke to each other constantly. He sent her a plane ticket
to visit him. While together, Hot Guy boasted that he was his town's
"go-to" guy for all the lonely women. Instead of Marilyn reading that
as a sign to stay away, she interpreted his description of himself as
"cute."
Visiting her two weeks later, he said he was available
throughout the week-except for a lunch date he had with a woman he had just
met. Marilyn found that peculiar, but said nothing. After a dinner party, he
detailed how many women had come on to him. Marilyn began feeling disrespected
and put down. Finally, after crying herself to sleep, she told Hot Guy he was
too hot for her.
If a partner boasts how in demand he or she is, recognize how
insecure he or she really is-and steer clear. This person probably needs more
ego-stroking than any one person can provide... and will look where he or she
has to in order to find it.
So now you know the signs that indicate that maybe your honey
isn't such a honey after all. Life and love are all about learning. Remember
this Gilda-Gram: "Everyone who touches you, teaches you." Instead of
getting bummed out about a cheater who stole your heart, think of what you
learned, and how your experience got you to grow. Your new insight will arm you
to attract someone more trustworthy in the future.
25. 9 Signs of a Cheating Girlfriend
When you suspect that you are being cheated on by your
girlfriend it is one of the worst feelings in the world. The thought that
someone you love and trusted could be cheating on you can cause you to feel any
number of emotions including anger, pain, sorrow, a sense of betrayal,
distrust, and many other painful emotions. Even if you ask your girlfriend
outright if she is cheating on you odds are she would lie about it anyway, so
it can be frustrating stuck in limbo not knowing one way or the other. When
people cheat there are some common signs that most of them show which can help
you to decide whether or not they are being faithful. To help you analyze your
situation here are 7 signs of a cheating girlfriend.
1. She is Spending More Time Away from Home
than Usual
One of the most common signs of a cheating girlfriend is that
she may start spending more time away from home. It could be that she suddenly
keeps getting called into work at odd hours, working late or that she often has
to be away on business. Or, she may tell you about some really great new
friends that she has made but that you have never met and keep going off to
meet up with them without inviting you. Anytime that your girlfriend starts
spending significant amounts of time away from home and coming or going at odd
hours compared to her usual schedule it can be a sign that she is cheating.
2. She is Spending a lot of Money with
Nothing to Show for it.
Most of the time cheating takes money since people who cheat
often meet up at places like restaurants or hotels. If you notice that your
girlfriend seems to be broke all the time but hasn't bought anything new and
hasn't had a change in her income level it could be a sign of cheating.
3. She Starts Paying More Attention to Her
Appearance
If your girlfriend suddenly starts taking more time with her
hair and makeup and dressing up without a special occasion she could be trying
to impress whomever she is cheating with. Pay special attention to her
underwear selection since most girls like to wear sexy underwear when they are
with someone new. If she wears granny panties when she is around you but puts
on a lace thong to head to work it could be a sign that she is seeing someone
else.
4. She Registers a New Email Address
Because email can be sent discreetly it is one of the most
common ways for people who are cheating to stay in touch. Unlike talking on a
phone where you could overhear her, she can send an email to another guy from a
new email address and you would be none the wiser. Pay attention for her using
a new email address, changing her password on her email or suddenly closing the
window on her computer when you walk into the room.
5. She Deletes Her Text Messages Right Away
Text messages and cell phones are another common way for people
to stay in touch with whomever they are cheating with. A sign that your
girlfriend may be cheating is if she suddenly starts deleting her text messages
and deleting the call log from her cell phone frequently...usually right after
a text message comes in.
6. She Loses Interest in Activities and
Interests You Used to Enjoy Together
If your girlfriend is cheating it may start to seem like she has
lost all interest in you and in doing activities that you used to enjoy
together. She may start canceling your usual movie night or not listening to
you when you talk to her. She may not want to hear about your day or pay
attention even if you have something important to say to her. It may seem like
although she is there with you her brain is somewhere else.
7. Your Mutual Friends Start Acting Weird
You may notice one or two of your mutual friends start acting
strangely when they are around you. Sometimes your friends will know that she
is cheating and it can make for an uncomfortable situation for them. On one
hand they are friends with her and don't want to betray her secret, but on the
other hand they are friends with you and don't want to see you get hurt. You
may even find that someone that used to be a great friend starts avoiding you
completely because they don't want to get involved.
8. Obvious Physical Signs of a Cheating
Girlfriend
There are the usual obvious physical signs of a cheating
girlfriend that you should watch out for like coming home smelling like
cologne, coming home with damp hair or with hair that smells like a different
shampoo, or coming home with her blouse buttoned crooked...or even on inside
out.
9. She Goes to the Bathroom Right When She
Gets Home
If your girlfriend rushes into the bathroom the minute she gets
home it could be because she is trying to clean up after cheating and remove any
traces from her body. Listen for sounds of running water and be especially
aware if she starts to shower right when she gets home. Also keep an eye on her
laundry habits. If she suddenly starts washing her clothing every single day it
could be because she is trying to hide stains or smells from you that could
give away her secret.
26. Five Signs that Your Husband is Committing Adultery
Nothing is quite as devastating to a woman as realizing that her
husband has been unfaithful. For most women it comes as a bitter and unexpected
shock. If you believe that your marriage is built on a foundation of honesty
and that your vows are unbreakable, it's almost unbearable to consider that
your husband has been intimate with another woman. Most women have a deep sense
of intuition when it comes to their spouse and can automatically recognize
small clues that something may be amiss.
There can be many signs that your husband is committing
adultery. Although some are very obvious, others are more subtle. It's
important for a woman who suspects that there may be a third party involved in
her relationship to recognize the signs of adultery and then take whatever
measures she feels are necessary to either rebuild the broken trust or end the
marriage.
There are five signs that your husband is committing adultery
that every woman simply should never ignore. It's important to remember that
any noticeable change in your husband's demeanor or behavior may mean he's
seeking out companionship elsewhere.
The first sign that many women notice is that their husband
suddenly stops wearing his wedding ring. He may suggest that he simply forgets
to put it on or he may say he misplaced it. If he's always worn it in the past,
and that abruptly changes, there's something else at work there.
Another of the obvious signs that your husband is committing
adultery is his work schedule changes. If a man has always worked a 9-to-5 day
and now says he needs to work late often, that's not a good sign. A man who is
being unfaithful may also out of the blue need to attend out of town
conferences. Unless he's the recipient of a new position at work, there's
likely a woman involved.
Hiding a credit card or checking account is another clue that an
affair may be taking place. Many couples combine their financial resources and
have joint accounts. If you notice an unfamiliar credit card in your husband's
wallet, this is cause for suspicion. Most men who have always been forthcoming
about money, and then suddenly want their own account or card, may be keeping secrets.
The fourth sign that your husband is committing adultery is a
little harder to detect. If your husband takes the family car to work, take
note if he suddenly decides to clean it. Many men who are having an affair will
take their mistress out for dates in the family car. If your husband cleans the
car and removes all toys, books, lipsticks or make-up belonging to your or your
children that's a unspoken signal that he doesn't want someone to know he has a
family.
The last and often most telling sign that your husband isn't
being faithful will be that he becomes less talkative and seems lost in
thought. Many men feel a strong sense of guilt when they have wandered outside
the marriage for intimacy. Although you can ask him what's on his mind, don't
be at all surprised if he says it's nothing at all.
It a hard pill to swallow when you recognize the signs that your
husband is committing adultery. As difficult as it is though, it's important to
get to the bottom of the matter to confirm your suspicions. Once you've done
that, you'll be ready to make a decision on what is best for you.
27. 14 Things Everyone Should Know About
Signs of Infidelity
If you suspect your spouse or significant other of cheating on
you, (or even if you don’t) there are some important things you should know
about signs of infidelity which may come in handy one day. Several of these
things come as a surprise – even to people who profess to be knowledgeable
about infidelity, cheating spouses and extramarital affairs. Listed below are
14 important things about signs of infidelity that you probably didn’t know.
1. Telltale signs of infidelity begin to appear even while the
infidelity is still in the planning stage. If you spot the early warning signs,
you may be able to stop the affair before it starts.
2. Most cheaters display signs of infidelity they’re not even
aware of, and thus would never think to cover up.
3. Many unsuspecting victims of infidelity either miss, or
misinterpret the many subtle signs of infidelity that are staring in the face.
Knowing what to look for is the key.
4. You don’t need fancy equipment to find signs of infidelity.
If you know what to look for, you can find countless signs of infidelity using
nothing more than your eyes, your ears and your personal knowledge of your
spouse or significant other.
5. Cheaters usually attempt to hide the obvious and most widely
known signs of infidelity. It’s the subtle signs of infidelity (the ones most
people overlook) will expose the cheater every time.
6. Certain signs of infidelity can help you determine the
identity of the Other Woman or Other Man. Again, knowing what to look for is
the key.
7. There are 21 major categories of infidelity signs. Each
category is comprised of 19 to 92 specific telltale signs. For a list
describing the 21 categories, e-mail InfidelityAdvice@gmail.comwith
“21 categories-ez” in the subject line.
8. If your spouse or significant other is really cheating, you
will find clusters of telltale signs from several of the above mentioned 21
categories all at once -- not just a few cheating signs.
9. Where there’s one telltale sign, there are always dozens of
other signs of infidelity just waiting to be found. Knowing what to look for is
the key.
10. The sooner you spot the signs of infidelity, the better your
chances are of saving your marriage -- or of protecting yourself legally and
financially in case the infidelity leads to divorce. You can’t afford to be the
last to know.
11. Most of the telltale signs of infidelity apply to both
cheating women and cheating men.
12. The future of your marriage or relationship will often
depend on your ability to spot the telltale signs of infidelity in time.
13. Certain signs of infidelity can give you valuable details
about the affair (what kind of affair it is, what stage the affair is in, where
or how often they meet, how much of a threat the affair poses to your marriage
or relationship, and more.)
14. The betrayed spouse or significant other who knows what to
look for can find signs of infidelity that a private investigator might
overlook.
Safeguard your marriage or relationship by familiarizing
yourself with the signs of infidelity – not just the obvious signs, but the
subtle signs, as well. If you’re not sure what to look for, you’ll miss a lot.
By the time you find out, it may be too late.
As you can see, when it comes to signs of infidelity, knowing
what to look for is the key. A good infidelity reference book can help. There
are many infidelity books on the market, but Is He
Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale - Signs is the only one that lists
practically every known sign of infidelity. Written by the same infidelity
expert who founded InfidelityAdvice.com, this book even includes the subtle
signs that people usually overlook. If you suspect infidelity, a knowledge of
what signs to look for, combined with the 14 facts above, may help you save
your marriage or relationship, and keep you from being the last one to know.
28. 4 Things You May Have Done To Drive Away Your Girlfriend
Most of the time when your girlfriend dumps you...it's not her,
it's you. Guys, we're some of the dumbest oafs around when it comes to
relationships, and we're always doing SOMETHING wrong. Girls may not be the
easiest creatures to understand, and relationships with them can be a bit
difficult to manage...but really if you can figure out your problems you can
solve them.
That's why I'm writing this for you, as a friendly man-to-man
resource for a few of the things we frequently do that tick our ladies off and
make them want to leave. Sure there are women nice enough to painstakingly list
off our every faults for us, but not every guy is so lucky as to have one. Not
to worry, bro...I will help you through this madness.
1) First main thing that girls really despise when men do is
when they don't pay attention to them. This really drives a girl nutso, because
it can feel like they require our every waking moment to be devoted to them and
only them, or else we don't love them. Of course this assumption is completely
false, but girls seem to need us to pay constant attention to them.
NOT paying constant attention to them makes them think we don't
love them, but when we DO pay constant attention to them they start acting like
we're freaks. There IS a happy medium somewhere in there, but the exact level
varies for each girl. Best solution here is to simply listen to her and figure
out what she specifically needs, attention-wise.
2) There's this concept that women have, called "emotional
support." They need their guys to be "emotionally supportive" of
them. Best as I can figure it, it's kinda related to item number 1 on this
list, but a little more expansive. Girls need to feel like their guys really
understand them, and can get to know them almost as well as they know
themselves.
Guys who can do this naturally are referred to as having
"game." This simply means that a guy is naturally good at reading
women and understanding the things to say and do to make their hearts melt.
Your supreme goal here is to make the girl feel like she and her feelings are
both very important to you...and the best way to do this is to really listen to
her and read her body language.
3) Women really kinda hate it when guys cheat on them, even if
some of these same girls would gladly cheat on their guys. Of course we all
realize this is a no-no, and wouldn't be too happy if our girls cheated on
us...but sometimes we either have a momentary lapse of stupidity, or we don't
realize what exactly constitutes "cheating" in the female mind.
You don't have to have sex with another woman to be
"cheating." A lot of the time all it takes is a single look of
appreciation at another woman's finer physical "assets" for your
girlfriend to take offense. Even fantasies about pornstars or celebrities can
be a no-no, it just depends on the girlfriend. Best and safest bet is to forget
that other girls exist, and think like they're just other guys who look
different.
4) When you're living with a woman, helping around the house can
become a sore point...she expects you to do it, and you don't want to. I
understand not wanting to get up and clean stuff or take out the trash, but you
have to really consider whether or not it's worth ticking your girlfriend off.
Take my advice...just get up off your lazy butt and do a few chores.
So how does this help you if you've already broken up with her?
Well, once you can identify the things you've done wrong in the past, you can
start working to avoid doing them in the future. Whether it's with your
now-ex-girlfriend or with a new woman, you'll be much less likely to make her
leave again if you can keep from making these idiot classic "guy"
blunders.
1. I am going out of town
This is the easiest one to pull off. Tell your significant other
that you will be going out of town for a business meeting or to visit a friend
who is very sick. Just use whatever excuse fits your situation and one that
makes sense to your beau. Get in your car and drive over to a good friend's
home that you have talked to about your plans. Make sure that whoever snoops on
your mate for you is somebody you can trust with your secrets.
You may want to rent a car and drive over to your home in the
evening and call your beau from your mobile phone. If his car is not in the
garage or your driveway, and he tells you he is at home missing you, then you
know he is up to something.
2. The high-tech snooping
This one is very easy and fun to do. This one works well when
you and your mate are living together. There is an amazing software program
called win-spy that you can purchase very inexpensively. This software will
monitor both your local and remote PC. It will capture everything that your
lover is doing on your PC - if both of you live together. It secretly records
chats, emails, instant messages, and it runs completely undetected. No one will
know you are snooping but you.
3. The Dog bait
Have someone who is a girlfriend to one of your girlfriends
(someone he does not know you know) call him on his cell phone and pretend she
had gotten his number a long time ago. Let the person who is volunteering to be
the bait try to talk him into meeting her at a bar. If he agrees to meet your
friend at a bar, he has crossed a line but has not committed any serious
offense yet. Have your volunteer try to flirt with him, and see if your beau
can be talked into taking her out on a date. If he bites the bait, then you can
conclude that your beau is a dog. On the day of the date, show up at the
appointed place before the appointed hour and give him the surprise of his
life. Ask him, "Are you waiting for (state your bait's name the
volunteer's name)." Then proceed to tell him about some of the things he
told your volunteer on their phone conversations. At this point you can bet
your guy has broken into a cold sweat. He is busted!
4. Play the clothes detective
It may seem as though this technique is just too simple, but you
will be pleasantly surprised when your examination comes up with that lipstick
or make-up smudge that he just did not know was there because he was too caught
up in the heat of passion. If he went out the night before and took off his
shirt and tossed it into the dirty clothes laundry basket before jumping into
bed, then you want to make sure you check that article of clothing for lipstick
stains or makeup smudges before he gets the opportunity to toss that shirt into
the washing machine and erase the evidence forever.
Another thing you may want to check if you are up to it, is his
underwear. If he did the freaky with someone else it is entirely possible that
he may still have semen or even sperm stains in his underwear. If he takes it
off and tosses it into his dirty laundry basket, do not let it hit the washing
machine without examining it for semen or sperm evidence. Hopefully you will
not pass out from any funk from his underwear. Be careful when you embark on
this mission. If he finds out, especially if your suspicions are not right, you
may lose your man. So if you are going to do play the clothes detective, you
want to make sure you do it when he is not home. Good luck.
\
30. When The One You Love Leaves You For
Another
You wanted to be her hero. You wanted to
show her that all men aren't dogs. You wanted to show her that you're a good
man. You wanted to be to him what she wasn't. You wanted to show him that
you're a good woman. That he can trust you. Then you look up one day and she's
back with her ex. And despite the passionate words and kisses he gave you that
made your head light and your heart melt, he leaves you for someone else.
Nobody likes to be left. It sucks. Regardless of what age you
are or your station in life, it still hurts like heck when you've given your
time and your energy--staying up until 2:00 in the morning listening to their
somebody-done-me-wrong song--only to be left for another.
I feel you, I really do. But could it be possible that the
person who left you wasn't at fault? Okay, okay, before you throw a book at me,
just take a deep breath and listen. I'm not saying that it was okay that you
were left or that you deserved it. No, not at all. When someone is hurting, it
is inherent in men to seek to problem solve and women to nurture. We certainly
don't need to change that, but we do need to infuse what's natural with some
often overlooked truths.
Truth: A wounded person is...well...wounded. Wounded people seek
pain relief. And moreover, wounded people are too consumed with their own
emotional discomfort to see you as anything other than Tylenol.
I remember liking a guy who didn't know that I liked him. Rather
than make my feelings known, I stood back. When the opportunity presented
itself, I thought, "okay, he's not attached anymore, here's my chance."
We dated. I doted. Then the shock to my heart--ole boy up and got married. I
was devastated.
In retrospect, I didn't understand the time nor the season he
was in. I didn't understand that gratitude and preference are two different
things. A vulnerable man or woman may respond sexually or romantically to your
attentiveness. A love interest may say "thank you" and truly
appreciate you being there, but if your motivation is the hope that they'll
choose you, you are setting yourself up for a big disappointment. I didn't
understand that. Think about it, if anyone is in enough pain, he will take a
whole lot of pain reliever. Then after he's done hurting, it goes right back on
the shelf.
Please pass the Tylenol; don't BE the Tylenol. Until you
understand this, you'll put yourself in one compromising position after
another. I certainly did. Anger, disillusionment or depression always followed:
I'd make him out to be the bad guy. I felt spurned. Thank God, as Iyanla
Vanzant put it, "one day my soul just opened up." I became aware of a
simple yet powerful truth--no one commits to the pain reliever. I had to
change.
This is where it gets tricky. Most of us think that changing
means isolation. We isolate from the source of our pain. We write off the ones
who hurt us and keep getting up to the next person. We might even create
situations so that we can leave them; or worst, shut ourselves down so that no
other man or woman will EVER hurt us again. In my opinion, this is the ultimate
cop out.
You have to own your part. You have to take responsibility for
what you did. If the truth be told, you had a hidden agenda. Convincing this
person that you were what he needed was your motivation. You only gave to get.
So who's at fault? Who was using whom? Who was taking an unfair advantage?
Let's get down to the real. Wounded people seek relief from other wounded
people. At the most, you were using each other. He was seeking pain relief. You
were seeking validation.
Another important truth: Need often masquerades as love. Need can
invoke the same intense feelings, thoughts and desires. So how do you tell the
difference? Need desires to satisfy itself above all else where love puts the
well-being of the other person at the forefront.
With this in mind, take my advice: Don't look to another person,
wounded or otherwise, for validation. Give yourself the attention that you
desire.
Do you sometimes get the sneaking
suspicion that your man is cheating on you? Does something always seem out of
place or you're trying to piece together a puzzle yet can't find all the pieces
to make a complete picture? Depending upon the sensitivity of your
"cheater radar", you could be overreacting entirely but that
lingering doubt in the back of your mind will haunt you and follow you until
its resolved. If only there were a way to know for sure. First, lets talk about
why a man strays then we will discuss 10 great warning signs you will not
likely find anywhere else.
When a man takes on the responsibility of a girlfriend, they
occasionally begin to hear their inner caveman voice that tells them to take on
the hunter-gatherer mentality. All men hear this to some extent, but some can
drown out the caveman voice while other men's caveman voice is literally
howling at the moon. We can further classify the players into the blatantly
obvious stooge just begging to be caught compared to the master technician of
clandestine affection. Meaning, some guys are really good at being a cheater
and some guys aren't. I won't insult you with examples of "running into
the next room to answer a phone call" or "pretending to get offended
by your accusations of cheating". No, this is not amateur hour.
The masters will tell you a dozen lies without stumbling for a
microsecond so some serious homework and observation will be necessary if you
suspect your guy to be cheater. Knowing that I'm probably going to be kicked
out of the Brotherhood of Man for writing this, I better make this one count,
so here are a few lesser known tricks that always go unnoticed.
- Does your man
have a meticulously clean home? Men often implement a policy of
cleanliness that often masks what we call "girl proofing" the
house. This means we remove any and all evidence of any female visitors
other than your belongings. Don't bother checking the top drawers or
obvious places for contraband, but go for the back of the closet or buried
deep into a dresser drawer. Occasionally, a man will keep souvenirs as
trophies or a girl will accidently leave something behind that we must
dispose of quickly. Also, check the bedside tables for jewelry or hair
scrunchies as this is a place where men find random surprises and its the
quickest place to hide the evidence.
- Does he often
turn the phone ringer to the off position? This is a way
of preventing someone from calling where he would have to run into the
next room, so its more like a second generation fix for the unwanted phone
call. If so, he's got someone calling and doesn't want to leave you
suspicious and inquisitive. Players hate to tip off their girlfriend that
something might be up, so this is a great warning sign he is using his
full defensive guard to keep everything as quiet as possible.
- Does he have a
tendency to change his bed linens 1 - 2 times each week and blame it on
his love of clean laundry or germaphobia? Even better,
does he have a certain pillow for you? If a guy has other girls for
"sleep overs," he is adding extra insurance that you will not be
able to detect the other girl's perfume or hair shampoo from the bed
linens. A lesser known secret is to change out the bed linens, always use
a separate pillow for each girl, and flip the mattress on the bed. It
sounds silly but trust me, it works flawlessly.
- Does he seem
constantly busy or claim to be a workaholic? One of the
easiest ways for a guy to keep a girl hanging around is convince her that
he is a workaholic. Granted this could be true and most women know about
this excuse, but when its 11pm on a Tuesday night and he's
"working" but doesn't answer his office phone, you might have
trouble. An added degree of certainty we use is to park our car in our
work building parking lot, and have a friend pick us up. This calms your
fears that we're really working when we aren't. If he is a business
traveler, then it will be very difficult to catch him so tread cautiously.
- Does he claim to
have a hobby that takes him away for a weekend? Yet, you notice
none of the equipment needed for this hobby is ever used, or that he
doesn't own any of the proper equipment? Chances are he's seeing another
girl in on the other side of town, or he's staying in town and keeping a
low profile. I'm not saying you should camp outside his place, but keep an
eye out for the out of town boyfriend problem.
- Does he turn his
laptop away from your field of view, or quickly slam the laptop shut when
you surprise him? The internet is a great invention for information
sharing, but its also a great tool to reel in the ladies without devoting
a large amount of work. In financial planning lingo, its what we call
"passive income", meaning we setup a product (the profile) and
rake in the dividends. Its a poor choice of an analogy, but the true
cheater will look at it precisely in that way. As some insurance, checkout
the local dating sites and see if he pops up. Even better, check his
myspace or facebook profiles. If he has 20 girls and 2 guys as friends,
the warning lights should go off.
- Does he shy away
from taking you to dinner or to a local hangout? If so, he's
trying to keep from his regular circle of friends (especially his
girlfriend's friends) from catching him with a different girl. Every
amateur player knows that he has to introduce you to his friends at some
time, because most girls know that if you don't meet his friends, you're a
secret bootie call and that's it. However, we get around this by allowing
you to meet certain friends who are doing similar things or at least,
tolerant of the behavior and cover for us. Therefore, if you're only
meeting his guy friends at private events chances are likely that you're
being played.
- Does the
passenger seat in his car seem like its been raised, shortened, or changed
in some way?
Even worse, after his car has gone unused for a weekend, where you were
the last one to ride in it with him, and yet something still feels out of
place? This is a huge warning sign. Most men do not allow others drive
their car unless he's had too much to drink, so this is a great sign to
detect cheating. Remember, even the best cheaters will overlook a minor
detail eventually.
- Does he
constantly obsess about your schedule, or require that you show up at a
precise time just to hangout at his place? Good players
are excellent at time management. They commonly divide up their time on a
daily basis to maintain contact with the "other girls" in their
life, so this is a very good indication something is going on. Try showing
up late a few times to throw him off, but if you really want to test his
loyalties, show up an hour early to find out what he is really up to.
- Does he have some
type of new knowledge or behavior that is outside of his normal behavioral
patterns?
If your guy is your average everyday guy and he suddenly knows very
specific details about say, Polynesian cooking, when his normal dinner
includes something frozen accompanied by a 3 minute wait and a
"Ding" noise, he might be playing the field. The worst case
scenario, you notice a change in "bedroom behavior" where a new
trick was learned or styles have been altered.
These are just a few warning signs of a master player. There are
many more, but now you have a chance of spotting some of the 2nd and
3rd generation warning signs. Like Darwin
I caution those of you who might arouse some inner paranoia
applying what has been written here. There are some guys out there that are
naturally genuine, and if he's completely satisfied, wouldn't leave you in a
million years. Well... unless HeidI Klum shows up but that is never going to
happen. Right?
Personal Note: I encourage questions/comments/concerns on anything
I write, so if you have an alternate theory or agree with me, please drop me a
quick note.
32. 7
Signs He Is Cheating
Perhaps the most heartbreaking feeling in
the world is when you suspect your man is cheating on you. You can easily
become overwhelmed by feelings of betrayal and lack of trust.
But if you have suspicions about your man's faithfulness, it's
important to keep your head. After all, you could be completely wrong. Before
you start making accusations, you should try to gather whatever evidence you
can. Start by looking for these tell-tale signs he is cheating:
1. Your woman's intuition tells you something is wrong. Many
women start to get a nagging feeling that something is going on with their
husband and another woman.
2. You notice inconsistencies in what he tells you. Maybe he
tells you he's helping his friend Steve with a project, but you later find out
Steve was out of town. Cheaters often have trouble keeping their stories
straight.
3. Lack of intimacy. You talk less and rarely spend time alone
together. You get the feeling that you're just not connecting anymore.
4. Lack of sex. If your guy suddenly doesn't show much interest
in having sex it could mean he's getting it from someone else.
5. He doesn't invite you to social gatherings or get-togethers.
Hanging out with the guys once in awhile is fine, but if he never wants to take
you out it could be a problem. If he avoids taking you to work functions, he
could be romancing a co-worker.
6. You discover secret email accounts that he keeps hidden and
refuses to show you. What's he hiding?
7. You notice a strange number in his cell phone and he denies
or lies about who it is. This is one of the easiest ways to catch a cheater.
Simply run a reverse number lookup to find out the name and details of the
strange number's owner. Then you have solid proof when you confront him about
it.
33. Dirty Little Secrets of Cheating Spouses
Infidelity. What a scary word. When one
thinks of a cheating spouse, one usually thinks of a movie or someone else -
rarely do we consider infidelity occurring in our own home. Until the day you
suspect you are living with a cheater.
At first, the fear of an affair is a tiny "blip" on
your internal radar. His comings and goings raise your awareness. Perhaps one
too many phone calls at strange hours or an unexplained happiness in your
partner make you wonder. Most betrayed spouses can, in hindsight, pinpoint the
moment when the possibility of infidelity became a very real probability in
their life.
No two cheating spouses are the same, but most unfaithful
spouses have some dirty things in common. These same characteristics are also
the key to your sanity as you can watch for them in your spouse, and then
empower yourself to take the action you need.
Cheating spouses hate lying to you - at
first. Yes, it is true. Most spouses that are cheating really struggle
with the dishonesty at first. Over time, the guilt becomes dull, and lying
becomes a way of life and a matter of survival. If your spouse is portraying a
very guilty attitude around you of late, you may have caught him/her at the
beginning of an affair.
Cheating spouses are the most stressed out
human beings you may ever meet. The stress of lying, keeping
up two lives, keeping all their stories straight, and trying to keep two
partners happy can be over-whelming. While a new affair is not as stressful as
one that has been on-going, the majority of cheating spouses sub-consciously
wish they would get caught so someone would force them to end it.
Cheating spouses rely on today's technology
to keep the affair alive and in tact. Things like email and cell
phone make affairs much easier to maintain - and also make affairs much easier
to have in the first place. If you suspect infidelity in your relationship,
start by checking the email and cell phone accounts. Any strange email address
or cell phone number should be investigated for your peace of mind.
Not all cheating spouses are degenerate
scum-bags. Affairs happen to good people. Yes, affairs can even happen to
a spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being tagged a
"degenerate" due to a lapse in moral judgment keeps most cheating
spouses living a lie.
If an affair is confirmed in your relationship, remember one
thing. The next steps, actions and efforts are about you, the betrayed spouse.
Do not waste your energy dwelling on the other woman (or man), do not waste
your energy on the guilty spouse. You have just had a traumatic experience
happen that will center around trust. The misconception is that healing from an
affair involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this is on the list
of future things to deal with, it is not your immediate concern. Your first
concern will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.
Cheating spouses tend to thrive off of the self-doubt betrayed
spouses inflict upon themselves. The desire to trust is stronger than the
desire to find out someone you are with is not trust-worthy. When infidelity is
confirmed, the first victim of trust-issues is the betrayed spouses. Take time
out for yourself and heal yourself before you attempt any other changes in your
life.
Online love affairs are becoming more and
more frequent. When you have the ability to converse in a virtual manner with
anyone from any corner of the globe, it's an exciting feeling. Learning about
someone new and being the center of all of their attention can lead to very
real feelings. Many people, who are already committed to others, are finding
themselves attracted to and even falling in love with people they've only met
online. If you suspect that your spouse is cheating online you're going to want
tangible clues that it's happening. Here are a few signs to keep an eye out
for.
Computers have become the cornerstone of business for many
people. With the convenience of email and online communication, it makes doing
business that much easier. If your husband or wife generally spends a good deal
of their time online it can be difficult to deduce when their behavior has
shifted from work focused to relationship focused. One sign that your spouse is
cheating online is that they'll remain on the computer later in the evening. If
they generally finish business around dinner time and then devote the remainder
of their evening to the family something is usually amiss if this suddenly
changes. Pay extra special attention if your spouse lingers on the computer
past their normal bedtime.
Many families only have one computer in the home. If this is the
case in your residence and your spouse suddenly insists that you or the
children can't use the computer, this is reason for alarm. If your spouse is
having an affair online they are going to want to restrict other's access to
their computer. Even if they are diligent about deleting emails, or logs of
chat conversations, they may still seem paranoid. You may want to push them on
the issue of their not allowing anyone else to use the computer. Watch their
reaction to see how strong it is.
Another, often subtle, sign that your husband or wife may be
carrying on a relationship on the Internet is their behavior when you walk into
the room. If they suddenly close their laptop or cover the monitor of their
computer with their hands, they are trying to hide something. You can test
their reaction by suddenly appearing in the room where they are. Watch carefully
how anxious they become.
Almost all online romantic relationships will eventually lead
into more personal contact. This tends to happen in one of several ways. If
your spouse is cheating online they may purchase a web cam or a microphone so
they can interact more personally with their new love. Another way they may
initiate more contact is by telephone. If you have access to your spouse's cell
phone bill or if they are using your home's land line, you can track this. You
may even be able to identity the other woman or man by tracing the number.
Never discount any major changes in your spouse's demeanor. If
they suddenly seem more or less loving with you that can be a sign that they
are involved with someone else. Many people who cheat feel guilty and as a way
to relieve some of those feelings they shower more attention on their spouse.
If your spouse is cheating online they may also abruptly stop being loving if
they have always been. Most people can intuitively notice even the slightest
shift in their partner's feelings for them.
Unfortunately, online affairs are a part of many marriages. If
you suspect your husband or wife has become entangled in one, you have every
right to find out the truth. Just because a relationship is occurring online
doesn't discount the feelings. If your spouse is being unfaithful online it can
permanently damage your relationship, just as any affair would.
35. How to Catch Your Boyfriend Cheating On
You
Nothing angers a woman more than betrayal.
This is especially true if she feels she is being betrayed by her boyfriend.
Men sometimes cheat and for a woman in a relationship with a man she suspects
of cheating, proof is what she needs. If you find yourself in this position and
you are wondering what the best approach is to catch your boyfriend cheating on
you, it's a good idea to try and think like he does.
Most men follow a pretty standard routine. They go to work at
set hours and then maybe they hang out with friends or go to the gym. If your
boyfriend suddenly alters his schedule with little explanation, this may be a
sign that something is amiss in your world. He may suggest that he needs to
work extra hours or that he's joined an amateur sports team and has to attend
practice. It's fairly easy to determine if he's telling the truth in either
case. If your boyfriend is cheating on you and using work as an excuse he more
than likely won't be pulling in higher paychecks. If he doesn't bring home a
uniform to wash every now and again or if he doesn't seem all that tired after
his alleged practice, you should be suspicious.
Many men will try and deflect the blame when they guilty about
something. If your boyfriend has started seeing another woman he may suddenly
begin accusing you of seeing another man. You are likely going to feel hurt by
his unjustified attack, but it should be seen as a clue to where his mind is.
If a man cheats it often brings up doubts about the woman in his life. He may
begin to wonder if she is capable of being unfaithful as well. Naturally you'll
want to throw his words right back at him and ask if he is having an affair,
but don't be surprised if he vehemently denies it.
Also pay close attention to how he presents himself to the
world. Many men fall into a comfortable rut when they are in a long-term
relationship. If your boyfriend suddenly decides he needs to drop some weight
or he's getting highlights in his hair, sit up and take notice. Just as he
worked hard to impress you in the early stages of your courtship, he may be
doing the same for someone else. Anytime a man suddenly wants to improve the
way he looks, it's worth noting.
Once you do feel that your suspicions have merit it's a good
idea to do some amateur detective work. If you want to catch your boyfriend
cheating on you so you have proof you need there are a few things you can do.
You can trace the numbers he calls on his cell phone, you can follow him when
he says he's going to work or out with his buddies, or you can ask him point
blank. In any case knowing the truth may be difficult, but it will certainly
give you peace of mind.
36. Is She Cheating? Three Easy Ways to Spot an Unfaithful Woman
Ok guys, this is never a fun topic to talk
about, but I do get lots of questions about faithfulness in a relationship, and
you'd be surprised to know that MORE of them come from men, than women! I know
my own boyfriend often says that the absolute WORST feeling he could imagine
would be to picture me with another man, so I'm sure if you are anything like
he is, you probably feel the same way about your girl. I'm a big fan of
monogamy in a relationship, and would rather leave my guy than EVER be
unfaithful, but unfortunately, there are a lot of women who don't feel the same
way. Let's take a closer look at ways you can tell if your girlfriend is one of
them.
1) Is she evasive? If she has a hard time answering questions
about where she's been, or where she's going, or gives you offhanded responses
on the run.....this is a bad sign. Women like to talk, eye contact and
connection are very important to us when relating to our guy. If your
girlfriend is constantly moving around, in and out of the room when telling you
her plans.....if they don't include you, and often - it's time to worry.
2) Is she suddenly VERY appearance conscious when she leaves the
house? If you've been with a woman for a while and she's comfortable walking
out of the apt or home without makeup, or in sweats and a t-shirt...and all of
a SUDDEN she develops a keen interest in cosmetics and haute couture, you are
probably in trouble. It's unfortunate to say, but if she's regularly getting
dressed up for class, the grocery store or simply to run errands when BEFORE
she was not.....it's not proof of anything of course, but if your gut tells you
something is wrong, it very well sounds like it to me.
3) Has she lost an interest in REGULAR intimacy? This is the big
one, guys. A woman who is cheating, for the most part, will feel torn up inside
and very guilty. She might make all kinds of rationalizations about WHY she is
right to do it. We are hardwired VERY differently (of course there are
exceptions - but I find this is the rule) and a woman who cheats will often
withhold intimacy from her man as a way of rationalizing she is not
"easy" or any number of other words our society calls women who are
intimate with several men simultaneously..:-) The key here, for you is - if
she's lost interest in sex with you, and suddenly - she might be getting it
elsewhere.
I am a very open person and very tolerant of LOTS of things in a
relationship. Cheating is not one of them, and neither should you. If she is
cheating, regardless of how you feel about her otherwise, she is NOT the right
person for you. I know it's tough, but you simply have to move on. Remember,
you have lots of OPTIONS, and staying with someone unfaithful should not be one
of them - it is often a blessing in disguise to discover, and opens a new door
to MANY exciting new possibilities! We've all been there, so stop feeling sorry
for yourself, and go explore them!
Are you sick and tired of your spouse
suspicious behavior? Do you think that your spouse is cheating on you? The
important to remember is don’t just use your instinct about sign of your
cheating spouse that can make ashamed to yourself and make you to accusing some
innocent parties because you have a wrong conclusion. You should learn some
prevalent signs of a cheating spouse.
Here are some prevalent signs of a cheating
spouse:
- Sudden increase in late night work at the office, especially
with men, but this goes both ways, can mean your spouse is cheating. My advice
is to surprise your spouse at the office with a surprise dinner.
- If you already suspect your spouse of cheating on you and you
want to catch him, the best way of action is to keep quiet and not give the
cheating spouse any hint of your suspicion.
- If your spouse is lying it’s usually quite obvious, they will
as not looking you in the eye when speaking to you, acting nervous ,become
uncomfortable with quite reasonable and conversation about their day and will
make up stories, try and change the topic of discussion or find an excuse to go
and do something else.
- If you feel you’ve found enough to heighten your suspicions
follow your spouse, check to see who they are meeting, if you have a reasonable
excuse for being in the same area perhaps bump into them and see how they
react, but remember you should keep calm down.
- Look for the credit card and phone statements as investigative
tools is to ask your spouse straight out about suspicious charges. If they have
reason to be ashamed about the charges, their reaction will most likely give
you the answers you were seeking.
- This may sound outrageous but if you have the password to your
spouse's email, then check his mails in a public computer or internet shop.
These are just some of signs of cheating spouse. The important
thing when you think that your spouse cheat on you is not to get emotional and
don’t try to figure out this matter only with you instinct. Because you need
more than instinct to catch your cheating spouse. You need have enough proof
about their cheating, before you confront your spouse.
Never ask your cheating spouse about her/his cheat until you
have enough evidence that your spouse is cheating on you, because your spouse
will lie to you. And if your spouse knows that you actually don't have any
proof or you may not sure about what it really happened, you cheating spouse
will be more careful from now on, and this will make it almost impossible for
you to gather hard evidence.
You can get the evidence by hiring a private investigator to
follow your spouse and let you know definitively whether or not your spouse is
cheating on you. But hiring a private investigate can be costly though so if
you can do a little investigating on your own you might be able to avoid this
cost and of course you no need to expose about your life to other.
38. The Other Woman - The Cuckoo in the Nest
The murky world of the kept mistress is a
hot bed of sleaze and decadence, or so we are always led to believe. Women who
have made the unpleasant discovery that their husbands keep a mistress conjure
up all manner of erotic fantasies of nights spent between satin sheets and
being fed grapes in the bath.
The practical truth is that, more often than not, these men are
being fed corned beef hash and fried potatoes because their wives will not
allow them to eat it at home, preferring to feed the family a healthy menu. The
same formula applies to everything else men seek from their mistresses; if they
cannot get it at home they will find it elsewhere.
A lady who has been a kept mistress for years assures me that,
now her boyfriend has topped sixty, he is quite happy to take long walks with
her along the beach with the dog and have a pub lunch on the way home. The wife
has never allowed him to keep a pet and the dog is the strongest bond of
affection for him and his mistress. Sex does not interest either of them much
any more but their relationship is quite solid, built on friendship and
affection.
Wives certainly suffer a great deal of heartache when these
discoveries are made, but mistresses are human too and more often than not
these women are condemned out of hand for being immoral and licentious, without
any real logic being applied to the facts of the matter. After all, it takes
two to enter into such an arrangement and men seek company elsewhere for a
reason, one would think.
Holidays are lonely times for mistresses. The usual form is that
these times are reserved for family commitments and the mistress is deemed to
be over spoiled with attention at other times, so she spends Christmas, Easter
and Valentines Day alone.
At these times it must be great to have the television remote
all to yourself, the privacy and time to take a long soak in the bath and spend
hours browsing through the shops without someone constantly tugging on your
arm, reminding you that Match of the Day starts in twenty minutes. Not much of
a substitute though for real family life.
The worst possible side to such relationships must of course be
the fear of discovery, the hole and corner lifestyle such women are compelled
to cope with. Imagine never being able to telephone your partner to tell him
you feel ill, or ask his help in an emergency. How strange it must be to break
down in the car and not be able to ring your partner to come and collect you,
or to have nobody to visit you in hospital except for casual friends.
The life of a mistress certainly has advantages, the freedom
from family commitments, the fancy clothes and impromptu holidays etc. However
the disadvantages are extreme loneliness and isolation.
39. Cheating Wife - How To Deal With Cheating
In Your Relationship and Marriage
Some believe that it is men who cheat more
than woman. Most polls and studies, however, show that either the two cheat the
same amount, or that women cheat more than men. It's not surprising, really.
Women are very emotional creatures, and if their emotions are not catered to,
they will go somewhere else.
This does not mean that it is your fault if your wife is cheating
on you. The fact is, cheating should never happen. If a relationship is
deteriorating that badly, the wife should be able to go to you, or vice versa,
so you can discuss the situation.
Sometimes it is too late to fix the situation because your wife
has already cheated. If this is the case, here are some rules you may want to
follow when you're trying to handle a cheating wife.
Rule #1: Don't Always Believe What She Says
If you have proof of cheating, confront her with it. Explain to
her that you know that she has cheated on you and tell her how it makes you
feel. Depending on the type of woman she is, she may jump into the discussion
with a lot of excuses.
Here are some classic ones: "What was I supposed to do? You
weren't emotionally there for me." "I was just so lonely. You're
never home." "It was a one time thing. A total fluke. It will never
happen again." "I cheated on you because I know that you cheated on
me. I was getting even."
Women tend to jump to the defense very quickly, which means that
sometimes they do not know what is coming out of their mouth. She may say one
thing during the discussion only to forget that she would even said it. Do not
automatically believe what she is saying.
Rule #2: Don't Play 'Pin The Blame'
It is classic for a woman to turn the fact that she cheated back
on her husband. She will claim that she only did so because he was not there
when she needed him, or because she felt that he did not love her anymore.
Never let her place the blame on your shoulders. If you have
stayed faithful to your wife, the blame lies entirely on her shoulders and no
one else's. She is the one that made the decision to sleep with another man,
and you should not feel guilty about it.
Rule #3: Watch Out For Friends
Some women will enlist the help of their friends. They will
convince their friends to call you to say that your wife was not cheating, or
that she only did so once.
Some will even say that it was them that was involved with the
other person, and that your wife was only trying to help the relationship
along. Unless the friends have proof, ignore them. They are just being faithful
to your wife, which is a good thing.
After all, you should want your wife's closest friends to be
faithful, even if their faith is a bit misplaced. But what goes on in your
relationship is between you and your wife and no one else.
Rule #4: Therapy
If this is indeed the first time that your wife has cheated, and
you want to salvage the relationship, you may want to suggest couple's therapy.
Couple's therapy will give you the chance to talk to one another
with a therapist present so that you can get down to the core of the problem
and to what caused her to stray in the first place.
You will both be able to discover if you can forgive or not, and
if the relationship will have a chance or if you should cut your losses.
If you suggest therapy and your wife will not agree to it, cut
your losses and run. Any wife that wants to get her marriage to work will agree
to at least trying therapy.
A wife who vehemently rejects going into therapy with you will
probably not want to work to keep your relationship alive, so instead of going
through months of pain and suffering, cut your losses as quickly as you can.
Wives may cheat for different reasons than most men cheat, but
the fact is that they still cheated. Make sure you talk to your friends and get
your own head clear, or you'll never be able to deal with her in a positive
manner.
And remember: if the relationship is meant to survive, it will.
Get all the help you need using all resources available and ask for advice from
people who have experienced what you are going through. Do your own research.
Nothing is impossible in this world and there is always hope.
40. Relationship Advice - Are They Cheating? Three Ways to Find Out
In the classic song by the great Hank
Williams there is a line that goes, "you're cheatin heart will tell on
you." To quote from another song by George Gershwin, "it ain't
necessarily so."
The ideal situation is of course for every partner to remain true
to the one they vowed to cherish. The reality is that cheating is as old as
time and is not going anywhere. Whether they feel they are stuck in a loveless
relationship, find themselves attracted to someone new or just the thrill of
doing something that is a bit reckless is beside the point. The fact is you
have strong suspicions that your partner is out tomcatting around.
You may have mixed feelings about finding out. Why? Because it
feels weird spying on someone you care about. However, after careful consideration
you have made the decision that you want to know. So how do you go about it?
1. Ask questions
You want to do this without turning into Perry Mason; in other
words do not be obvious. The point is to see if there are any inconsistencies
in what they are telling you. Little white lies have a startling way of
exposing major problems. This will require you to pick and choose different
time frames to ask seemingly innocuous questions. Cheating and not getting
caught takes a certain amount of cleverness so you must do the same in your
line of questioning.
2. Attention to Detail
Your partner says they are going to some fast food joint to get
something to eat. No problem, except they have been gone for two hours and the
restaurant is only twenty minutes from the house. They tell you they sat down
to eat, traffic was heavy or they ran into an old friend. Again, do not be
afraid to ask questions and take note of their body language.
Sometimes you do not have to say anything. Attention to detail
can also include checking the phone bill or bank statements for anything out of
the ordinary. How is the credit card looking? Suspicious charges are good
indicators.
It should be noted that if you are using a phone bill to
investigate be careful. Seeing a number that you do not recognize may have your
emotions racing ahead of you. Calling that number in a panic only to find out
it belongs to a relative can put you in a pretty awkward situation. If it is
someone your partner is having an affair with, try to remain calm. Sometimes
the other person has no idea that they have become involved with someone who is
already in a relationship. If your partner is deceiving you than the chances
are pretty good they are pulling the same con on someone else.
3. The Gumshoe
You want to know what's going on but don't have the stomach
(understandable) to do your own investigation. This is where the private
investigator comes in. Unlike T.V. where the investigator gets into all kinds
of far fetched adventures, catching a cheating spouse or partner is how many of
them make a living; and business is always good. Private eyes can be expensive
but keep in mind they have the resources and experience to give you a definite
yes or no on whether your partner is cheating.
You sure hope your suspicions are wrong but there is no getting
around the fact that you want to know whether your partner is cheating. You can
investigate yourself or hire a professional but either way you must prepare
yourself for the answers and that includes one which could put an end to your
relationship. It is a nasty business but it is much better to find out sooner
rather than later.
41. How To Tell If Your Spouse Is Cheating
and Can You Forgive Cheating Spouses
The following article will discuss issues
of a spouse that possibly is cheating on you, it will provide numerous details
on what to look for and even give some tips on how to forgive someone who may
have cheated on you.
Is your spouse or significant other cheating on you? Nobody can
understand the feelings that run through your mind when a wife, girlfriend,
boyfriend or husband is not being faithful in a relationship. They also do not
understand the added stress infidelity can add to a family or marriage.
What are some signs that tell someone you are romantically involved
with is a cheater?
Some general tips that apply to both a wife or husband:
1) A new email account is setup that you do not know the address
of. This is likely used for online dating sites or to correspond to members of
the opposite sex.
2) Numerous errands that suddenly need to be taken care of right
away. For example, needing to run to the store more frequently than normal, or
constantly forgetting something requiring another trip out of the house. This
also includes taking longer than normal for routine tasks such as a 5 hour
grocery store trip.
Usually on these trips the spouse will be dressed up a little
nicer than they would for a normal errand run. For example, perfect hair or
makeup.
3) Lastly, look at phone "dialed" and
"incoming" call records if they are suddenly deleted frequently it
obviously shows someone is trying to hide records of incoming or outgoing
calls.
Do Not Think You Are The Reason
This is a common mistake girls who have been cheated on make.
They seem to always think that they caused the other person to cheat. More
likely that not you have done nothing wrong. You are not the one with the
problem here!
Usually when first being confronted with the evidence that they
are not being faithful the person will deny it. When presented with more
evidence that they are in fact cheating the person will often admit to a
"lesser crime." They then will ask for forgiveness.
Should you forgive and forget?
Only you can answer this. Forgiveness is a personal matter. The
most important thing is if you feel that person has learned their lesson. Some
people will never change while others will honestly make an attempt to improve.
42. What Causes Women To Cheat In A Relationship? Know The Reasons Before It's Too Late For You
Why do women cheat in a relationship? What goes through their
mind which makes them cheat on their partners? Well there are several reasons
which might lead to such a thing but sometimes a mere misunderstanding can lead
to cheating too. Therefore it is extremely important to know what causes women
to cheat and what you can do in order to deal with it. Read on to discover why
women cheat in a relationship.
Love missing in the relationship- Love is something which every
woman desperately seeks in a relationship and more often than not due to lack
of love from the side of the spouse or lover can lead a woman to eventually
cheat since she feels without love there is nothing much left in the
relationship.
Lack of commitment- Another possible reason due to which most
women cheat is the lack of commitment from the male side in the relationship.
Some men simply do not wish to commit after several years into the relationship
and the woman starts feeling the load of the relationship and feels as if she
is having to deal with all the problems in the relationship.
Not good enough in bed- Some men are not able to satisfy women
in bed and end up getting cheated on. You see women mostly never share their
problems with their lovers when it comes to satisfactions in bed and normally
tend to keep things personal. The man feels that everything in fine in the
relationship till some day he realizes that he is being cheated on. You see if
a woman does not get what she wants in bed than she looks for other options
where she would actually get what she is truly looking for.
43. Mind Blowing Ways To Figure Out If Your
Mate Is Cheating - Catch Them Red Handed
Do you feel that your mate might be
cheating on you and something does not seem to be right in the relationship?
You see the moment you start thinking that something is not right than
something definitely isn't right and you need to look into it. Getting to know
that your spouse is cheating can be one of the most heart breaking feelings in
the world but it's better to know soon than never. Read on to discover some of
the most mind blowing ways on how to figure out whether your mate is cheating
on you or not.
Change in spending habits- You see this is probably one of the
best ways to catch your spouse red handed. His or her spending would
automatically start going up only due to the fact that they are either spending
a lot of money on looking after themselves, buying gifts for the one they are
dating behind your back or simply on dates. This is easy to figure out by just
looking into your mate's accounts and credit card bills and where they were
spent.
Check out the phone book- This is another way to find out
whether your spouse is cheating on your or not. When your spouse is cheating on
you they would instantly have unknown numbers in their phone book which you
might have never seen before. The best way to catch him or her is to call these
numbers probably from a public telephone and see who picks up.
Your mate does not attend calls in front of you- This is a
perfect indicator that your spouse is cheating on you. What can be the reason
that your mate is not attention some calls in front of you when the phone keeps
on ringing again and again? Not only would they not attend the calls they would
rather turn their phone off just to avoid the calls for the time being so that
you don't come to know.
Women love to be loved. Married women are
especially in need to be desired and taken care of. This is one fact that most
people will agree with.
However, will a woman take anything just to enjoy that love and
desire? What if she is an unhappy married woman? Will the wife cheat on her
husband just to get the attention she wanted?
Today, the phenomenon of wives cheating on their husbands has
become more felt. Most of the experts in the field today can claim that the
incidence of women cheating on their husbands have increased up to 50%.
Cheating Wives
Many people will wonder why women now are capable of cheating on
their husbands. There are many possible reasons why women cheat on their
husbands but it can all boil down to the fact of a husband neglecting the wife.
When the husband gets too busy on his work, all his time will be
focused on such tasks. His time is spent more on making money to be a good
bread winner. However, this can cause him to ignore the wife.
With the little attention and time given, the wife may resent
such. She may get very frustrated. She may resent this lack of attention and
thus start looking in other people for the things she needs.
How Do Wives Cheat Their Husbands?
There are various ways by which a woman can cheat on her
husband. The wife can make use of her creativity and resourcefulness. This is
especially easier if the husband is always away.
The housewives have more time on their hands. After managing all
the work in the house, they can easily come up with various opportunities to
play the field.
Cheating wives can also come up with different excuses just to
do their little adventures. They can sneak off when they go shopping for
grocery. She can even claim to attend dancing lessons or work out on the gym.
Some of these cheating wives can take the extent of using
everything their husbands worked hard for to finance their expeditions.
Cheating wives could use the credit cards of the husband just to buy gifts to
their lovers.
Most people would think that if the couple has kids, the wife
will have a more difficult time to cheat. However, this fact can even be
manipulated. The kids can be used as an excuse to go to any place.
The wife can pretend to go to school and wait for the kids when
in fact she will make a detour along the way.
The situation can even get worse if the wife develops a habit
out of this infidelity. The cheating wife can develop a confidence that can
make her flirt with just about anybody. This will very much affect the
reputation of the family.
It is even possible for some cheating wives to chase after men
who are close to her husband or the family. There are incidences where the wife
cheats with the best friend or the brother of the husband.
Addressing the Fact of Cheating Wives
Definitely, there is nothing good in cheating. It can ruin the
relationship of the husband and wife. It will surely affect the kids. It can
also hurt friends and relatives.
There are consequences that cannot anymore be repaired. Some
wives only want to make their husbands jealous. However, most husbands will not
take it simply. They can get furious, or even to some extent violent.
It is not easy to expect forgiveness in such situations. It can
lead to separation and estrangement. Thus, it is very important to address the
problem of cheating wives as early as possible.
It is important to always take care of the relationship. The
husband and the wife must constantly communicate with each other. They must
spend quality time with each other.
The wife must open up to the husband. The husband must listen to
the wife. This way, they can avoid getting estranged and taking the wrong
paths.
Conclusion
There may be incidences of cheating wives
today. However, this should not be taken as a phenomenon that will
establish itself in the society. This is a problem that must be addressed, for
the sake of the family and for the sake of society.
44. Shortly After Christmas 6 Signs of
Infidelity Will Confirm a Cheating Spouse's Extramarital Affair
If you suspect your spouse of cheating on
you, the close of the Christmas season is the ideal time for you to finally get
some tangible proof. Shortly after Christmas, you can find 6 gift-related signs
of infidelity which will confirm the existence of an affair. But knowing what
to look for is the key.
Be alert for these "after-Christmas" telltale signs:
A hidden gift you discovered before
Christmas which has now disappeared but wasn't given to you. (If no one
else in the family received it, who was it given to?)
Receipts for the purchase of two identical
gifts. (If you received one; who was the other one given to?)
A thank you note or e-mail to your spouse from a
member of the opposite sex for a Christmas gift you know nothing about. (If it
was just an innocent gift, your spouse would have mentioned it to you or even
asked you to help pick it out.)
Gifts of a personal nature given
to your spouse by a member of the opposite sex. (Scarves or ties are harmless;
but jewelry, lingerie or similar personal items should raise an alarm.)
Expensive gift items that suddenly appear
after Christmas, which your spouse claims to have bought for himself/herself.
(Does your spouse have a sales receipt for the suspicious gift?)
Credit card statements that arrive after
Christmas showing charges for gift items you know nothing about and
didn't personally receive. (If you didn't charge a watch from Tiffany's or $300
worth of lingerie from Victoria
If you find any of these signs of infidelity, keep in mind that
what you've found is only the tip of the infidelity iceberg. Signs of
infidelity never appear in isolation. If your spouse is cheating, there are
always corroborating telltale signs. Where there's one sign of infidelity,
there are dozens of other telltale signs just waiting to be found. Since many
of them are subtle and easy to overlook, knowing what to look for is the key.
I got my man back with the help of Kwale Temple. Without delay I was able to get my man back after 6 months of break up, I got him back after 48 hours with the help of Kwale Temple. You can contact Dr Kwale on kwaletemple@gmail.com or add him up on Whats App +2348056141089
ReplyDelete